Sometimes I just feel like I am faking it. I work really hard to make my life and my children's lives as easy as possible. Being a single mom, that isn't always possible, but let it be known that I do try. That isn't to say that I am always successful but it is to say that persistence pays off. The "ease of life" isn't really there, I want it to be, but the fact of the matter is that I am a mom and my first loyalty, at least for the next five years is to my kids - hard to believe, but my youngest, Gregory, will be thirteen in a few days.

When I first left consulting, I still had a couple active clients, I tried to get an intern to take over the accounts but she was not interested. I had a tough time understanding this but, eventually, I came to the realization that while I was engaged in a passion that completely absorbed me; there were those around me that didn't care too much about what I was engaged in or about what I deemed as important or essential.

It is difficult to get past that and it may be hard to accept the fact that the things that drive you in business, ie; technology, social media, and recruiting and so forth, don't necessarily have to interest those around you in order to be critical or require attention. There are those that simply want peace and are not driven to make a difference or change the world. Perhaps flipping a burger is enough. I think at one time, it might have been enough for me. Maybe. (Not really.)

I often feel incapable of pleasing those around me or finding that comfort level that says, "I am a good enough person...," It is much easier to acknowledge it by how an opposing or competitive party engages with you. Understanding the riff and what caused it is imperative to the actual comprehension of or the getting around a misunderstanding that changes focus and the game. Sadly, though, it isn't a game. It is real life.

What is your fear? I am not talking about a fear of spiders or the irrational terror of committing to someone. What is it that makes you so afraid that you are driven to stay on your game, that you consistently resolve to do better, and in the end, drives the learning process? Commit and know that you are merely assigning yourself to a process, to one word or one step in front of the other. And that your obligation is to your heart.

The question then remains, "what is your obligation?"

© by rayannethorn