STICKY STUFF -"I am not a bully". - RecruitingBlogs2024-03-29T13:21:52Zhttps://recruitingblogs.com/forum/topics/sticky-stuff-i-am-not-a-bully?amp%3BcommentId=502551%3AComment%3A1438477&%3Bx=1&%3Bfeed=yes&%3Bxn_auth=no&feed=yes&xn_auth=noDamn skippy.
Amy Ala said:
P…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-12:502551:Comment:14384772011-10-12T21:49:19.614ZBill Schultzhttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/BillSchultz
Damn skippy.<br></br>
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<cite>Amy Ala said:</cite><br />
<blockquote cite="http://www.recruitingblogs.com/forum/topics/sticky-stuff-i-am-not-a-bully#502551Comment1438172"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Perception is reality. If Wonder Woman <em>thinks</em> she was bullied, then she was bullied. That's her perception and therefore her reality. Now, she might learn to modify her behavior for the better of the team dynamic but I doubt anything anyone says or does at this point will ever…</p>
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Damn skippy.<br/>
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<cite>Amy Ala said:</cite><br />
<blockquote cite="http://www.recruitingblogs.com/forum/topics/sticky-stuff-i-am-not-a-bully#502551Comment1438172"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Perception is reality. If Wonder Woman <em>thinks</em> she was bullied, then she was bullied. That's her perception and therefore her reality. Now, she might learn to modify her behavior for the better of the team dynamic but I doubt anything anyone says or does at this point will ever change her perspective. I would ignore her as much as possible and only work with her in a group setting (and only if I absolutely have to). <strong>My bigger issue here is that the boss seemed to have jumped to conclusions or took the "safe" way out by smacking the hands of the employees he knows well (so-called bullies) instead of risking rocking the boat with Wonder Woman. I would be having my discussion with the boss - not Wonder Woman.</strong></p>
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</blockquote> Perception is reality. If Wo…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-12:502551:Comment:14381722011-10-12T20:39:56.175ZAmy Ala Millerhttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AmyAla
<p>Perception is reality. If Wonder Woman <em>thinks</em> she was bullied, then she was bullied. That's her perception and therefore her reality. Now, she might learn to modify her behavior for the better of the team dynamic but I doubt anything anyone says or does at this point will ever change her perspective. I would ignore her as much as possible and only work with her in a group setting (and only if I absolutely have to). My bigger issue here is that the boss seemed to have jumped to…</p>
<p>Perception is reality. If Wonder Woman <em>thinks</em> she was bullied, then she was bullied. That's her perception and therefore her reality. Now, she might learn to modify her behavior for the better of the team dynamic but I doubt anything anyone says or does at this point will ever change her perspective. I would ignore her as much as possible and only work with her in a group setting (and only if I absolutely have to). My bigger issue here is that the boss seemed to have jumped to conclusions or took the "safe" way out by smacking the hands of the employees he knows well (so-called bullies) instead of risking rocking the boat with Wonder Woman. I would be having my discussion with the boss - not Wonder Woman.</p> Emily,
Interesting suggestion…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-12:502551:Comment:14384432011-10-12T20:29:59.455ZSandra McCartthttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/SandraMcCartt
<p>Emily,</p>
<p>Interesting suggestion. Reality testing and mirroring behavior can be effective in a clinical setting, with trained staff ready to pick up the pieces if it goes badly. It certainly might work but the question is should this be done by one of the team, two or three of the team, the whole team or do you think this would best be done by someone in HR or the supervisor if the team is not inclined to confront WW and take the risk that she will react badly.</p>
<p>I am not in a…</p>
<p>Emily,</p>
<p>Interesting suggestion. Reality testing and mirroring behavior can be effective in a clinical setting, with trained staff ready to pick up the pieces if it goes badly. It certainly might work but the question is should this be done by one of the team, two or three of the team, the whole team or do you think this would best be done by someone in HR or the supervisor if the team is not inclined to confront WW and take the risk that she will react badly.</p>
<p>I am not in a position to be part of an internal team so i will ask for Amy's input and anyone else here. If you were in "Not a Bully's position would you be willing to confront someone who has already played the bully card with your boss? If you have ever done this or seen it happen in your office, how did it go?</p> I think Amy said it best when…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-12:502551:Comment:14370692011-10-12T13:23:21.057ZEmily S.https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/EmilySwim
I think Amy said it best when she said "WW is probably more intimidated by you and the group than you might think". In a nutshell I think opening up the lines of communication, putting it all out on the table and spending the majority of the time discussing how to make things work in the future (not dwelling on who is to blame) is going to be the best use of everyone's time. You can't punish someone for their personality (even if it is clinically extreme), but you can provide a little "reality…
I think Amy said it best when she said "WW is probably more intimidated by you and the group than you might think". In a nutshell I think opening up the lines of communication, putting it all out on the table and spending the majority of the time discussing how to make things work in the future (not dwelling on who is to blame) is going to be the best use of everyone's time. You can't punish someone for their personality (even if it is clinically extreme), but you can provide a little "reality testing" by holding a mirror up to their behaviors and explaining that she wasn't bullied but did come on too strong, causing the team to react that way. By providing examples of what did not work and giving opportunities for what could work in the future I would think (and hope) WW would be given a second chance, straighten up and fly right. Emily, where are you, coachin…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-11:502551:Comment:14367232011-10-11T21:31:54.704ZSandra McCartthttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/SandraMcCartt
Emily, where are you, coaching ideas for our reader please?
Emily, where are you, coaching ideas for our reader please? @Smantha and John, I agree,…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-11:502551:Comment:14363612011-10-11T17:45:08.875ZSandra McCartthttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/SandraMcCartt
<p>@Smantha and John, I agree, once the explosion has occurred nobody wants to strike a match next to that stick of dynamite again. It's sort of like taking off your clothes in public and then throwing a fit because people react to your lack of judgement.</p>
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<p>@Bill, It's always nice to be able to look at something through the other person's eyes but it's very difficult to see out when the only direction they can look is inward.</p>
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<p>@Emily The problem with being able…</p>
<p>@Smantha and John, I agree, once the explosion has occurred nobody wants to strike a match next to that stick of dynamite again. It's sort of like taking off your clothes in public and then throwing a fit because people react to your lack of judgement.</p>
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<p>@Bill, It's always nice to be able to look at something through the other person's eyes but it's very difficult to see out when the only direction they can look is inward.</p>
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<p>@Emily The problem with being able to look at this situation at this stage of the game from WW's position is that the damage has already been done. It has been my experience that even close knit groups in companies are quick to welcome a new person if that person comes in, introduces themselves and as John says, asks questions, tells her coworkers a little about herself and has enough sense to ask some of them to show her the ropes. Most sane people will always be willing to help a newbie. No group reacts well to a posturing, know it all.</p>
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<p>The problem here is that her behavior caused the sarcasm, eye rolling and a psychological diagnosis that may or may not be totally on target. But based on her very childlike reaction of running to the boss to tattle after she started the chain reaction i think the NPD call is pretty on target. So the immaturity here appears to me to be on the part of <br/>Wonder Woman. What did she think the reaction would be when she went whining to the boss playing the "bully card". Did she really think that mommy was going to come in and make everybody like her. What if she had gone to one of her team mates and said, "Wow, i don't seem to have made a very good impression, what do i do?". I would suggest that would have gone a long way toward easing the situation. But she didn't which is indicative of a very entitled child like personality who demands to be accepted cause she's wonderful or else.</p>
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<p>i have seen a lot of very talented people fail miserably because they were either young and dumb or just simply too impressed with themselves to take note of the people around them (do you like that better than calling them out as an NPD) ?</p>
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<p>Part of the problem i see here rests with the boss in my opinon. If one of my people came to me whining about being bullied my first question would be to them about their behavior that caused it. How did they act when they went in, what did they expect would happen based on how they acted and what did she want me to do? I would then do some fact finding with the rest of the group to see if i had a problem child or if the group was being resistant to a new person. </p>
<p> Based on the fact that "I am not a bully" indicates that the group has gotten along fine until WW exploded on the scene i would assume that the whole department was not hired at the same time. They have had new people join in the past and there has not been a problem before so it doesn't look to me like everybody is out of step but WW.</p>
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<p>Were i in the position of the boss i would not have given the team a lecture until i had the full picture. That would have been the time to coach WW not accuse the whole group of being bullies because they reacted to her immature, narcissistic behavior.</p>
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<p>Now that WW has played the "bully card", the team has backed away from her like poison, what kind of coaching would you give her at this point to try and repair the damage?</p>
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<p>What say you?</p>
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<p> </p> You're right, Emily. And I t…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-11:502551:Comment:14363342011-10-11T15:56:32.791ZBill Schultzhttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/BillSchultz
You're right, Emily. And I think if I were moderating this, I would tell Wonder Woman not to come on so strong and try to work things out within the group, instead of whining to me. Then I would duck to avoid her magical bracelets. <br></br>
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<cite>Emily S. said:</cite><br />
<blockquote cite="http://www.recruitingblogs.com/forum/topics/sticky-stuff-i-am-not-a-bully#502551Comment1436230"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Try looking at it from her perspective...ever think this team is a…</p>
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You're right, Emily. And I think if I were moderating this, I would tell Wonder Woman not to come on so strong and try to work things out within the group, instead of whining to me. Then I would duck to avoid her magical bracelets. <br/>
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<cite>Emily S. said:</cite><br />
<blockquote cite="http://www.recruitingblogs.com/forum/topics/sticky-stuff-i-am-not-a-bully#502551Comment1436230"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Try looking at it from her perspective...ever think this team is a little resistant to change? It's immature to react with sarcisim, rolling eyes or an inaccurate psychological diagnosis. She must have been hired for a reason (her skills, experiences, ideas) but needs coaching on how to properly adjust to this group.</p>
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</blockquote> Try looking at it from her pe…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-11:502551:Comment:14362302011-10-11T14:37:16.806ZEmily S.https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/EmilySwim
<p>Try looking at it from her perspective...ever think this team is a little resistant to change? It's immature to react with sarcisim, rolling eyes or an inaccurate psychological diagnosis. She must have been hired for a reason (her skills, experiences, ideas) but needs coaching on how to properly adjust to this group.</p>
<p>Try looking at it from her perspective...ever think this team is a little resistant to change? It's immature to react with sarcisim, rolling eyes or an inaccurate psychological diagnosis. She must have been hired for a reason (her skills, experiences, ideas) but needs coaching on how to properly adjust to this group.</p> I agree with Sandra and Amy.…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-11:502551:Comment:14361332011-10-11T14:10:14.682ZSamantha Laceyhttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/samanthaLacey
I agree with Sandra and Amy. Smile and nod and don't give WW any attention. Hopefully the truth will come out soon enough, if not then have a quiet word with your boss or HR department. You have to spend a huge amount of your time at work, so a whole office being terrorised by one person is really not acceptable.
I agree with Sandra and Amy. Smile and nod and don't give WW any attention. Hopefully the truth will come out soon enough, if not then have a quiet word with your boss or HR department. You have to spend a huge amount of your time at work, so a whole office being terrorised by one person is really not acceptable. From the stories i am hearing…tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-08:502551:Comment:14347582011-10-08T18:58:57.654ZSandra McCartthttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/SandraMcCartt
From the stories i am hearing right now Bill, i think the lunatics are running a lot of asylums and management seems to be sticking their heads in the sand.
From the stories i am hearing right now Bill, i think the lunatics are running a lot of asylums and management seems to be sticking their heads in the sand.