RecruitingBlogs
2024-03-28T10:23:49Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
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Government Job
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2013-12-15:502551:Topic:1777219
2013-12-15T01:58:08.343Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
Government Job<br />
<br />
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.<br />
<br />
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"<br />
<br />
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."<br />
<br />
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"<br />
<br />
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."<br />
<br />
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"<br />
<br />
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."<br />
<br />
The interviewer grimaces…
Government Job<br />
<br />
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.<br />
<br />
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"<br />
<br />
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."<br />
<br />
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"<br />
<br />
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."<br />
<br />
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"<br />
<br />
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."<br />
<br />
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."<br />
<br />
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"<br />
<br />
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.
Not sure I'm doing this right... Can I just post comics from our site?
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2013-10-31:502551:Topic:1764571
2013-10-31T13:17:29.611Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<p><a href="http://www.iplaceconnect.com" target="_new"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1267860390?profile=original" width="600" class="align-full"/></a></p>
<p><a href="http://www.iplaceconnect.com" target="_new"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1267860390?profile=original" width="600" class="align-full"/></a></p>
If You Have to Ask...You Must Be a Recruiter...
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2013-02-05:502551:Topic:1660301
2013-02-05T02:46:49.929Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<p></p>
<p></p>
Is this the most honest hiring ad in the history of the world?
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2012-09-15:502551:Topic:1604559
2012-09-15T18:11:15.016Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=471609292871161&set=a.199860796712680.47702.197742490257844&type=1&theater&notif_t=like">https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=471609292871161&set=a.199860796712680.47702.197742490257844&type=1&theater&notif_t=like</a></p>
<p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=471609292871161&set=a.199860796712680.47702.197742490257844&type=1&theater&notif_t=like">https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=471609292871161&set=a.199860796712680.47702.197742490257844&type=1&theater&notif_t=like</a></p>
Report: Fax Machines Still Pretty Impressive If You Think About It
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-18:502551:Topic:1442827
2011-10-18T22:11:14.403Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<p>have to love the <a href="http://www.theonion.com" target="_blank">Onion</a>:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WASHINGTON—Fax machines, despite using 40-year-old technology and having come into prominence in the 1980s, are actually still pretty impressive if you think about it, a new Brookings Institute report confirmed Tuesday. "Yes, the words 'fax machine' evoke this arcane image of a bulky telephone apparatus that makes a dial-up modem sound, but come on, if you take a step back and think about how, with…</p>
<p>have to love the <a href="http://www.theonion.com" target="_blank">Onion</a>:</p>
<p> </p>
<p>WASHINGTON—Fax machines, despite using 40-year-old technology and having come into prominence in the 1980s, are actually still pretty impressive if you think about it, a new Brookings Institute report confirmed Tuesday. "Yes, the words 'fax machine' evoke this arcane image of a bulky telephone apparatus that makes a dial-up modem sound, but come on, if you take a step back and think about how, with one press of a button, it's capable of transmitting a facsimile of a document thousands of miles away over a standard telephone line, there's no way you can't find that slightly remarkable," the report read in part, adding that one has to admit that even with all the technological advancements over the years, the fact that fax machines are still viable communication devices in offices around the world is "pretty goddamn amazing." "People still use these things. They rely on them. It's not uncommon for someone to say, 'Send me a fax.' When's the last time you heard someone say, 'Can I borrow your Discman?' See what we're saying?" The report concluded that the mere fact we're even talking about fax machines right now should be evidence enough of how great they still are.</p>
Funny Ha Ha...Kinda - -Hotel worker enlists help of marching band to quit job...
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-10-17:502551:Topic:1441108
2011-10-17T06:44:49.939Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<h3><span class="font-size-6"><a href="http://holykaw.alltop.com/hotel-worker-enlists-help-of-marching-band-to">Hotel worker enlists help of marching band to quit job [video]</a></span></h3>
<div class="postmeta">Posted Oct 16th, 2011 at 8:52</div>
<div class="postmeta">(<a href="http://holykaw.alltop.com/hotel-worker-enlists-help-of-marching-band-to?tu2=1">http://holykaw.alltop.com/hotel-worker-enlists-help-of-marching-band-to?tu2=1</a>)…</div>
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<h3><span class="font-size-6"><a href="http://holykaw.alltop.com/hotel-worker-enlists-help-of-marching-band-to">Hotel worker enlists help of marching band to quit job [video]</a></span></h3>
<div class="postmeta">Posted Oct 16th, 2011 at 8:52</div>
<div class="postmeta">(<a href="http://holykaw.alltop.com/hotel-worker-enlists-help-of-marching-band-to?tu2=1">http://holykaw.alltop.com/hotel-worker-enlists-help-of-marching-band-to?tu2=1</a>)</div>
<div class="sharebuttons"><div class="sharebutton"><span> </span></div>
<div class="sharebutton"><div class="addthis_toolbox addthis_default_style"><a class="atc_s addthis_button_compact"><span> </span></a></div>
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<div class="smallphoto"><div class="posterousGalleryMainDiv p_embed p_image_embed"><img alt="Media_httpfarm7static_ivtbn" src="http://posterous.com/getfile/files.posterous.com/guykawasaki/vyvaGEodDwkntymlmjfmCsEuyavFrwltipyJidqpAqAHDvxxxJedEyrkrnGB/media_httpfarm7static_ivtbn.jpg.scaled500.jpg" height="116" width="171"/></div>
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<p>"Joey quits his job at a Providence, Rhode Island hotel with a bit of back-up music provided by a ragtag marching band."</p>
<p>This is funny in its audacity, but it is serious as it may become a trend among the disenchanted in the workplace. </p>
<p>Posted on twitter by:</p>
<div class="tweet-image"><img src="https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/1389586661/SwallowtailAvatar-editsmall_normal.png" alt="Guy Kawasaki" class="user-profile-link" height="48" width="48"/></div>
<div class="tweet-row"><span class="tweet-user-name"><a class="tweet-screen-name user-profile-link" href="https://twitter.com/#%21/GuyKawasaki" title="Guy Kawasaki">GuyKawasaki</a> <span class="tweet-full-name">Guy Kawasaki</span></span><div class="tweet-corner"><div class="tweet-meta"><div class="extra-icons"><span class="icons"><span class="inlinemedia-icons js-icon-container"> </span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
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<div class="tweet-row"><div class="tweet-text js-tweet-text">"Hotel worker enlists help of marching band to quit job [video] <a href="http://t.co/ATsv91P8" title="http://holykaw.alltop.com/hotel-worker-enlists-help-of-marching-band-to/?tu2=1" target="_blank" rel="nofollow" class="twitter-timeline-link">is.gd/ivNT4e"</a></div>
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<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/9A4UGtM4hDQ?wmode=opaque" frameborder="0" height="360" width="640"></iframe>
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Drug Tests Matter...
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-09-07:502551:Topic:1383635
2011-09-07T09:30:56.727Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1267858063?profile=original"><img width="503" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1267858063?profile=original" class="align-full"/></a>
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1267858063?profile=original"><img width="503" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1267858063?profile=original" class="align-full"/></a>
Clowns Will Do Anything for a Laugh...
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-09-07:502551:Topic:1383562
2011-09-07T09:28:17.593Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<a target="_self" href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1267858044?profile=original"><img width="360" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1267858044?profile=original" class="align-full"/></a>
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The Origin of Job Interviews
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-05-26:502551:Topic:1211103
2011-05-26T21:40:26.991Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/b56eAUCTLok" frameborder="0" height="349" width="560"></iframe>
<br/><br/>Funny Job Interview? <br/>
<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/b56eAUCTLok" frameborder="0" height="349" width="560"></iframe>
<br/><br/>Funny Job Interview? <br/>
Some good fears we all have now.
tag:recruitingblogs.com,2011-01-14:502551:Topic:1124165
2011-01-14T18:08:39.164Z
Aditi Shrivastava
https://recruitingblogs.com/profile/AditiShrivastava
<b><font size="5">T…</font></b>
<b><font size="5">T</font></b><font color="black" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="4"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial"><font color="#000000" face="Arial"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial"><font color="black" face="arial"><font color="black" face="arial"><font color="black" face="arial"><font color="#000000" face="Arial"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial"><font color="#000000" face="Arial"><font size="5"><span><b>hank You All.......</b><br/> <br/></span><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">As we progress in the year 2011, I want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font>
<blockquote style="padding-left: 5px; margin-left: 5px;"><div><div><blockquote style="border-left: 2px solid blue; padding-left: 5px; margin-left: 5px;"><div><blockquote style="border-left: 2px solid blue; padding-left: 5px; margin-left: 5px;"><div style="font-family: arial,helvetica; color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><div><div style="font-family: arial,helvetica; color: black; font-size: 10pt;"><div><div><blockquote style="border-left: 2px solid blue; padding-left: 5px; margin-left: 5px;"><div><div><div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><font color="black" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" size="4"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer open a bathroom door<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because</span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><span> </span>I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I have trouble shaking hands<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because</span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><span> </span>I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t touch any woman’s purse<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">ALSO,<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer have any savings<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer have any money,<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that<span> </span><b>Bill Gates/Microsoft</b>and<span> </span><span><b>AOL</b></span><b><span> </span></b>are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer worry about my soul<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and<span> </span><b>St. Theresa’s Novena<span> </span></b>has granted my every wish.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t have a drink in a bar</span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><span> </span>because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t eat at KFC<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.<br/><br/></span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">THANKS TO YOU<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.<br/> <br/></span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN,<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.<br/> <br/></span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer buy<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.<br/> <br/></span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put<span> </span><b>‘Under God’<span> </span></b>on their cans.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer use Cling Wrap<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer go to the movies<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">because I could be pricked with a needle infected with<span> </span><span>AIDS</span><span> </span>when I sit down.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer go to shopping malls<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">since they are actually<span> </span><span>Al Qaeda</span><span> </span>agents in disguise.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2">And<span> </span><b>I no longer answer the phone because</b><span> </span>someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to<span> </span><span>Jamaica</span><span> </span>, Uganda ,<span> </span><span>Singapore</span><span> </span>, and<span> </span><span>Uzbekistan</span><span> </span>.</font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">since I now have their recipe.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">THANKS TO YOU<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t even pick up a coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I no longer drive my car<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">I can’t do any gardening<span> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.</span></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><br/></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></span> <font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at<span> </span><span>5:00 p.m</span>. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . .</span></b></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><br/></span></b> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br/></span><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">Oh, by the way.....</span></b></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><br/></span></b> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br/></span><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">A German scientist from<span> </span><span>Argentina</span><span> </span>, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse..</span></b></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><br/></span></b> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br/></span><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late..</span></b></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
<div style="text-align: center;" align="center"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="black" face="arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font style="background-color: transparent;" color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><font color="#000000" face="Arial" size="2"><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;"><br/></span></b> <span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 10pt;"><br/></span><b><span style="font-family: serif; font-size: 18pt;">P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet :-/</span></b></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></font></div>
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