n the expression, in July and August. The Romans thought it was when the seas boil, people are mean and mad and dogs die. I think it just has to do with the heat, vacations, kids out of school driving everybody nuts. If my dogs are any indication they are a hell of a lot smarter than most of the humans on the planet during this part of the year. They aren't dead, they just have enough sense to stay in shade or in a cool place in the corner of the house and sleep until it cools off.
This summer in the Texas panhandle has been the worst i have ever encountered and i've been here for seven decades. 33 days of over 100o and no rain. None, ziltch, zero. I saw a group of people standing outside the other day having a fit over something. Thinking it must be some wonderful discovery or geez, even a five car pileup i ran over to see what everybody was so excited about. It was a weed. Yeppers just one little green weed, growing out there all by itself like it had water or something. None of us had seen anything green in so long that it was something worth gathering around and talking about until some little old lady ran over and pulled it up. The old bitch ruined the day for about 20 people. The next time we see a weed we are going to watch out for the little old ladies and head them off before they can kill the only thing green in the Texas panhandle. Biatches, they should stay inside when it's this hot.
One thing about the Dawg Days of Summer when it's like this, most folks have to stay inside and work because it's too hot to do anything else so production should go up but since the seas seem to be boiling everybody is a little or a lot nuts. I have had a good sumer with several good placements made in the industrial engineering vertical but the Dawg Days of Recruiting hit with a sledge hammer force this morning. To me the Dawg Days of Recruiting are the few days after i have closed a particularly difficult placement. That's not true. In my world the Dawg Days of Recrittering (that's not a typo) i often refer to what we do as "recrittering" I just take a critter from one place and put that critter someplace else so would else could it be but "recrittering". Don't go there with your insults about referring to people as critters. It's the Dawg Days of Summer and i could care less about your touchy feely crap. I'll get back to being Ms. "Love they one ya got" next week after i get over the Dawg Days of recruiting recrittering, whatever. I digress...
The two or three days after i make a placement or close two or three that have gone on since Noah launched the Ark, i am litterally not worth a flip. I'm tired, i'm drained, i hate everything with two legs and a mouth and email. All i want to do is curl up with my sleeping dogs or go talk to my horses because they don't talk back, they don't care about benefits, they don't take but a minute to make a decision about anything and none of them have failed a drug test or a background check. Let's hear it for the Equines!
I'm here, this is it, the Dawg Days of Recrittering and the Dawg Days of Summer crossed paths in the eternal equinox today. I will not interview anyone else this week, I will not answer any more questions, i will not listen to anymore nervous nellie hour long phone calls from candidates who have a phone interview a week from next Tuesday and are driving themselves crazy worrying about what they are going to say and how to say it and want to beat in my ear about it. I am not even going to try and get feedback from the interview that happened ten days ago before the internal recruiter went on vacation with instructions that if call the hiring manager she will forever banish me to seventh circle of hell. In sort ..until Monday i just don't give a damn.
What happens to you the day after you make a placement or two? Are you one of those lying, obnoxious recruiters who never hits the Dawg Days, always have things in the pipeline organized to fall between the hours of 8 and 5 Monday through Friday. If you are go to a conference or tweet about it or something equally as oatmeal. I want to hear from the people who run on five hour energy until they hit the wall when things close. What do you do when the fighting is over, the offer is made and accepted, the drug test is passed, the start date is set?
I am going shopping, then i am going to go bathe seven horses. It's hot they need a bath and it takes all day and requires no thought or conversation. :)…
longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoftand AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.
I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .
I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.
THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t even pick up a coin dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.
I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . .
Oh, by the way.....
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse..
Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late..
P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet :-/