Dr. John Kenworthy's Posts - RecruitingBlogs2024-03-29T11:11:01ZDr. John Kenworthyhttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/DrJohnKenworthyhttps://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1526957761?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1https://recruitingblogs.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=1hnwwrrwq8jz0&xn_auth=noWhy use golf to recruit leaderstag:recruitingblogs.com,2010-09-30:502551:BlogPost:10890312010-09-30T00:00:00.000ZDr. John Kenworthyhttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/DrJohnKenworthy
<h2>The connection between <span class="zem_slink">golf</span> and <span class="zem_slink">leadership</span></h2>
<img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1557486203?profile=RESIZE_320x320" style="float: right;" width="250"></img> There’s a surprising similarity between playing the game of golf and leadership. Once the analogies are made clear to you, you’ll wonder perhaps why you didn’t see it before. By the time you’ve finished reading this, you’ll know the major connections and feel compelled to find out more.<br></br> <br></br> 35% of registered golfers in the UK are senior
managers, professionals or…
<h2>The connection between <span class="zem_slink">golf</span> and <span class="zem_slink">leadership</span></h2>
<img width="250" style="float: right;" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1557486203?profile=RESIZE_320x320"/>There’s a surprising similarity between playing the game of golf and leadership. Once the analogies are made clear to you, you’ll wonder perhaps why you didn’t see it before. By the time you’ve finished reading this, you’ll know the major connections and feel compelled to find out more.<br/> <br/> 35% of registered golfers in the UK are senior
managers, professionals or executives , according to Mintel. This rises to 43.3% of London Golfers. And 12.8% of all golfers in the UK are senior managers, executives or professionals - that’s about 1.8 million golfers are senior managers, executives and professionals in the UK alone! (Source: GB TGI, BMRB Quarter 4 2006/Mintel) 44% of senior managers executives and professionals in the UK have played, do play or would like to play golf. (Source: BMRB/Mintel) Add another 1.4 million managers (Source: GB TGI, BMRB Quarter 4 2006/Mintel) and you realise just how big a sport golf has become - and it id predominantly ABC1 who play the game, and still predominantly male - 83%! <br/> <br/> In part,
business leaders, particularly those with some marketing or sales role - deliberately play golf to network with prospects and clients. In part there’s certainly some <span class="zem_slink">social status</span> about being a golf club member, and for sure, in part there the ‘coincidence’ of playing golf and being a business leader.<br/>
<br/>
What Mintel’s research doesn’t highlight though is that there’s more to it than that. The characteristics of those who play golf and those who are business leaders shows considerable similarities. Let’s take, for example, the desire to score well (even win) a round of golf. To be concerned about one’s personal performance and strive to improve it relates to a strong personal ‘Achievement Orientation’. I want to do well because I want to do well.<br/> <br/> There are differences too, and
important ones. On the golf course, the golfer is playing against the course. It is one of very few sports where the play of others has no effect on the golfer’s performance at all… unless he (and it is predominantly still ‘he’) allows it (the closest similar sport is downhill skiing). This is not the case for the majority of business leaders who’d personal performance can be impacted by the performance ofothers. So the golf course is the place where a player can assuredly adopt the attitude, it’s MY performance and only MY performance that matters and only their actions change the result. This suggests the desire for control - or Directiveness. <br/> <br/> Some of the reasons
golfers choose to play the game shows that 76% of them play for social reasons (Source: GMI/Mintel) - this demonstrates a desire, if not ability, in the competencies of influence and communication.So why use golf to develop leadership? It seems that the game of golf attracts business leaders more than other groups - & perhaps the conclusions above suggest why. So it became increasingly obvious to our team that <br/>
golf could be both an attractive idea for development within this group, and that the game of golf itself could be deliberately used to develop the competencies and behaviours associated with great leadership.<br/> <br/>
Indeed, many of our clients confirm the attraction of golf for our senior management training programmes by requesting training to take place at golf clubs, so the team can play golf after the training course. Albeit, not everyone on the programmes did play golf, the senior managers and board members invariably did. <br/> <br/> Our research into
using simulations for recruitment assessment has shown that given a truly safe environment to practice the tools and techniques of leadership and management, participants are more honest and open (23% greater honesty) than using more traditional methods like interviews, they enjoy the process more (17% greater) and learn about themsleves that they demonstrate transfer of improved behaviours to the workplace (26% greater transfer). Not only this, but studies in societies where females are considered disadvantaged (and suffer discrimination) in management recruitment, show a their management and leadership competencies during a simulation based assessment process than a traditional assessment over their male counterparts - 16% greater improvement in demonstrated competencies. The key to the success of using simulations is that they provide a realistic, safe environment to practice the tools, techniques and behaviours of great leadership (Source: Kenworthy 2005)<br/>
<h2>Is golf a safe, realistic environment?</h2>
The great thing about golf is that it is one of the very few activities that provides a genuinely level-playing field - through the well-established handicapping system. It may not be perfect, but it’s very close. This means that a scratch golfer competes fairly with a complete beginner. There are also rules within which the game must be <br/>
played - these represent the constraints of doing business. There are established game rules that encourage pairs or foursomes to work together, and there are rules to foster individual competition - sometimes in business we want our leaders to be entrepreneurial and ‘go-getters’ - leading by example, at other times, we want them to be team leaders, or team players.<br/> <br/> Caddies, provide a perfect
metaphor for coaches and mentors. The course itself provides a varied environment, shifting according to things beyond the control of the player, but observable by them. The hole provides a target, the course provides for a strategic plan to achieve the real goal. The points scored can directly relate to revenue or profit. The clubs and balls areresources - even the golf pro can be a consultant resource.<br/> <br/>
<span style="font-weight: bold;">The game of golf provides a fantastic platform to assess leadership - its safe and fair, it’s as realistic as you need it to be and it’s fun!</span><br/> <br/>
<h2>So what about the non-golfers?</h2>
So what about the non-golfers? Why would they participate - and let’s face it, in leadership recruitment you don’t want to alienate the non-golfers by forcing them to participate in something they wouldn’t normally… or would you?<br/><br/> For our Leadership Golf Challenge Assessment Center, we always
offer golfers and non-golfers technical lessons before the event. We arrange with our certified golf pro’s to put a special series of lessons<br/>
for the new players - most often they perform better than those who’ve been playing for years because they don’t bring along so many bad habits. We’ve even designed a special programme exclusively for non-golfers - called ‘Hackers Days’ - which combine technical golf instruction with the Leadership Golf Challenge.<br/> <br/>
<h2>Can you just play golf to find leaders?</h2>
<img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1557486261?profile=original" alt="" style="float: right;"/>There’s certainly something about the game of golf that shares characteristics of great leadership, but whether it’s the playing golf that develops the person as a leader or that the leadership capability makes for a golfer is an unanswered question. <br/><br/>Our Golf Leadership Challenge is a part of the assessment process. Even great golfers have bad days (just check out Tiger Woods' performance so far in 2010. How the prospective leader deals with a "bad day" though, now that is important!<br/><br/>Supported by psychometric assessment, interview and of course, reference checks, getting your candidates to play a round of golf together reveals far more that the skilled recruiter will observe and probe.<br/> <br/>
If you would like to know more about the GAINMORE™ Leadership Golf <br/><br/>
Challenge and how we can help you recruit and develop your leaders - drop me a PM here.Your leadership characteristics are the sum of your personality, habits, behaviours and attitudetag:recruitingblogs.com,2010-09-28:502551:BlogPost:10889072010-09-28T00:02:44.000ZDr. John Kenworthyhttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/DrJohnKenworthy
<p>When recruiting, we're often seeking certain leadership characteristics that would be best suited to lead the team and pursue the organizational goals. <br></br></p>
<p><br></br></p>
<p>Here we identify the most important leadership characteristics and how you can develop your leadership character.<br></br></p>
<p><br></br></p>
<p>When we started using the game of golf as our classroom to develop leadership we noticed a similarity between the way people play golf, and their leadership characteristics.…</p>
<p>When recruiting, we're often seeking certain leadership characteristics that would be best suited to lead the team and pursue the organizational goals. <br/></p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>Here we identify the most important leadership characteristics and how you can develop your leadership character.<br/></p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>When we started using the game of golf as our classroom to develop leadership we noticed a similarity between the way people play golf, and their leadership characteristics. Originally, we created nicknames for our participants as an easy means of communication between us trainers. The nicknames not only stuck, it spurred me to delve in and research. What I found was that there were 9 major styles of golfer that corresponded with their leadership nature. For example, the golf "Conqueror" - the guy (and it was usually a guy) who smacks the ball as far as possible and uses the biggest baddest club in the bag... well, he was just like that as a leader.</p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>As part of an assessment center process, our golf challenge has proven to be an exceptionally powerful way to identify the real leadership characteristics... on the golf course, there's you and there is physics... the golfer is the only one who is responsible for what happens and theri response to "fluffing" a shot, or sending their tee shot into the trees (which do snatch balls from midair!), or into the water... that is exactly how that leader responds to disappointment.<br/></p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>We identified nine different character types and with a little imagination created the "9 Character's of Leadership.</p>
<h1>Nine Leadership Characters</h1>
<a href="http://developingleadershipstyle.com.sg/leadershipcharacteristics/LeadershipCharacteristics/LeadershipCharacteristics.htm" title="Take our free quiz and find out your leadership characteristics now - opens in a new window"><img style="margin: 8px 12px 0pt 0pt; border: 0pt none;" src="http://www.leadership-qualities.org/images/takethequiz.jpg" alt="Take our free quiz and find out your leadership characteristics now" align="left" height="199" width="263"/></a><br/>
There are nine main 'styles' of leadership - the 9 Characters.<p>By 'style', I do not mean to refer to an individual's personality or their innate character as though this were true. I am, instead, referring to the way in which <b>you perform at your best and most naturally</b> - which may represent your true personality - best to ask your spouse or a close friend who knows you in many other situations as well. This is your character paradigm.</p>
<p>We'll consider each of the characters or styles in turn, pointing out the dominant leadership characteristics displayed and consider a few well known business leaders who fit each style. Your job is to identify your own style amongst these nine - finding the one which most accurately matches your approach to leadership.</p>
<p><br/></p>
<p>This isn't about choosing the style you think that you 'should' have, or would like to have. This is about understanding whereyou are now, and knowing that if you lead in this style, it will be the most comfortable. Later you can consider how to compensate for the weaknesses in your leadership.</p>
<p><br/></p>
Your leadership charcater is the combination of your technical competency (how well you do the leadership<br/>
Skills) and your leadership advantage (have developed the Leadership Qualities).<br/><br/><b>Leadership Characters</b><div style="text-align: center; width: 442px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img id="Image-Maps_5201009102210178" src="http://www.leadership-qualities.org/images/leadership_paradigms400.jpg" usemap="#Image-Maps_5201009102210178" alt="" border="0" height="303" width="442" name="Image-Maps_5201009102210178"/></div>
<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br/></span>Now, just because one of the 'characters' is labelled "clumsy", this is not to say that someone demonstrating the lower levels of technical competence and lower levels of leadership qualities is unsuitable for a leadership position! On occassion, "clumsy' leaders are in fact the most suitable... with the caveat that they know that they are clumsy leaders!<br/><br/><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Why?</span><br/><br/>Because a leader who knows (and accepts) that there are others more technically qualified, and others better at, for example, dealing with people issues... these leaders learn to delegate.<br/><br/>In the same way, not every organization needs a "Chess Player" leader. Many would be better to find a "Conductor", a "conjurer" or a "Craftsman". Organizations needing a short sharp push or a turnaround, might be better finding a "Conquerer".<br/><br/>For more on these leadership characteristics, you are welcome to visit my website at leadership-qualities.org<br/><br/><br/>Roles People Playtag:recruitingblogs.com,2010-06-21:502551:BlogPost:9830902010-06-21T00:25:23.000ZDr. John Kenworthyhttps://recruitingblogs.com/profile/DrJohnKenworthy
<h1 class="western" id="zw-1" style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;">"And what do you do?"</h1>
<p id="zw-5" style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><font color="#000000" id="zw-6"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-7">How many times have you been aske</font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-8"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-9">d this question? How many times</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-10"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-11">have you asked…</font></font></p>
<h1 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-1" class="western">"And what do you do?"</h1>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-5"><font color="#000000" id="zw-6"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-7">How many times have you been aske</font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-8"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-9">d this question? How many times</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-10"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-11">have you asked it? My guess is more than once or twice.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-14"><font color="#000000" id="zw-15"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-16">When answering this question, most people respond with their job title or their job function: I'm a banker, I'm the CEO,</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-17"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-18">I'm</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-19"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-20">a teacher. Or they launch into their 'elevator pitch'. We define ourselves often by the major role we play in life. And you know that you are much more than your job: I'm a CEO, husband, lover, father, child, brother, skier, scuba diver, teacher, sleeper, trainer,</font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-23"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-24">coach, friend, driver, passenger, dog-walker, saxophonist, cook, customer, eater, cleaner, golfer, author, writer, musician, listener, talker, leader, manager, accountant, salesman, communicator, website builder... and that's just the more positive ones today. Am I good at all these? Not all, and not always. There are days when my golf, for example, is fluent and near perfect, today was not one of those days. Today, I was a "shank it in the water, find every bunker, slice it out of bounds" golfer.</font></font></p>
<h2 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-27" class="western"><img width="279" vspace="0" hspace="0" height="169" border="0" align="right" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/100002010000046A000002AD016A1491.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-127704f62ca2bVUPA130961" alt="roles people play" name="zw-127704f62ca2bVUPA130961"/>Normal role development</h2>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-29"><font color="#000000" id="zw-30"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-31">Everyone plays a number of roles in their relationships with others. The essence of personality, according to</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-32"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-33">Raimundo</font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-34"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-35">, is the sum of the roles I play.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-38"><font color="#000000" id="zw-39"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-40">As a leader, the way we relate to other people is through a role. The role we play must be complimentary, and must include a common link. My effectiveness as a leader is dependent on the effectiveness of the relationship which is the link between the roles. It is the "power" between me and another.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-43"><font color="#000000" id="zw-44"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-45"><img width="220" vspace="0" hspace="5" height="91" border="0" align="left" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/10000201000001590000008FFED27F9A.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-127704fb938fb7Sd130961" alt="complimetary roles" name="zw-127704fb938fb7Sd130961"/>When we have two complementary roles relating to each other, a link is formed and is the channel of interaction; enabling the role to mature and grow stronger.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-49"><font color="#000000" id="zw-50"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-51">The strength of the link depends on the roles we play and each time we relate through the link, the role we are playing is developed. Some of the roles we play are poorly developed, some are well-developed. The good news is that we can develop poorly developed roles and so improve the effectiveness of our relating.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-54"><font color="#000000" id="zw-55"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-56">Our most developed roles are usually so because we have experience with a more established and complementary role.</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-57"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-58">A good Father-Son relationship develops a string son role and, in recognition of the strong role model, transfers to a strong father role later in life as well as strengthening the role of the father.</font></font></p>
<h3 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-59" class="western">Roles we play can be Constructive, Fragmenting or Ambivalent.</h3>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-60"><font color="#000000" id="zw-61"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-62">Constructive role development is a normal expectation as we exercise our roles in a complementary relationship.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-65"><font color="#000000" id="zw-66"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-67"><font color="#000000" id="zw-68"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-69"><img width="235" vspace="0" hspace="5" height="77" border="0" align="left" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/100002010000022C000000B9ABD5DBB5.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-127704ffe72rCGLbm130961" alt="ideal relationship" name="zw-127704ffe72rCGLbm130961"/></font></font>In the ideal relationship, both parties have well-developed roles and are relaxed with each other allowing and enabling the link to be formed and the power of the relationship (and hence the roles themselves) develop.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-71"></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-73"><font color="#000000" id="zw-74"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-75">Think about the well developed roles you exercise and on any roles that you think are poorly developed. What enables (or restricts) your development of these roles?</font></font></p>
<h3 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-76" class="western">The effect of anxiety on personal space and role development</h3>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-77"><font color="#000000" id="zw-78"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-79">Everyone has a space around them that we perceive belongs to us, our personal space. I'm sure that you have met someone who, you felt, was a little too close. Perhaps someone who put their face close to yours and made you feel intimidated or scared? I recall a sales meeting with a particular CEO who talked to me with his face 2 inches from mine and kept it there the entire time. I honestly thought he was going to head butt me.<br id="zw-83"/></font></font></p>
<br id="zw-84"/><p id="zw-86">When we are relaxed and at peace, our personal space contracts, other people can be closer, both physically and emotionally.</p>
<br id="zw-87"/><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-88"><font color="#000000" id="zw-78"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-79"><font color="#000000" id="zw-80"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-81"><img vspace="0" hspace="0" border="0" align="right" style="width: 194px; height: 96px;" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/10000201000001E1000000EC8CDE522A.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-12770503b09RqinwF130961" alt="contract space" name="zw-12770503b09RqinwF130961"/></font></font></font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-89"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-90">When we are fearful or anxious, our personal space expands.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-92"></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-94"><font color="#000000" id="zw-89"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-90"><img vspace="0" hspace="5" border="0" align="left" style="width: 233px; height: 119px;" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/100002010000027F0000014AFF5013C4.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-12770507a53QYOrUV130961" alt="expand space" name="zw-12770507a53QYOrUV130961"/></font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-95"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-96">So when that CEO came in physically close, I became tense and needed even more space than normally, making the situation</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-97"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-98">tenser</font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-99"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-100">.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-101"></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-127705096deB2uvY130961"><font color="#000000" id="zw-127705096deWHfKhI130961"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-105"><img vspace="0" hspace="0" border="0" align="right" style="width: 209px; height: 68px;" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/100002010000022C000000B8A179BD2A.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-1277050caf5vpgSVi130961" alt="anxious" name="zw-1277050caf5vpgSVi130961"/>When our personal space expands through fear or anxiety, this can interrupt or distort the operation of a particular role. In my own example above, my normal, well-developed sales role was smothered and I wanted to run from the meeting.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-109"><font color="#000000" id="zw-110"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-111">A (sadly) frequent example we hear from clients is the expansion of personal space after coming back home exhausted each evening from work and being unable to relate to a son or daughter as a parent. As a parent, I have three possible responses.</font></font></p>
<ol id="zw-112">
<li id="zw-113"><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-114"><font color="#000000" id="zw-115"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-116">Attack or withdraw (a reptilian, knee-jerk, emotional response).</font></font></p>
</li>
<li id="zw-117"><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-118"><font color="#000000" id="zw-119"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-120">Adopt a better developed role such as that of teacher or manager.</font></font></p>
</li>
<li id="zw-121"><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-122"><font color="#000000" id="zw-123"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-124">Adopt a pseudo role.</font></font></p>
</li>
</ol>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-125"><font color="#000000" id="zw-126"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-127">Whichever the choice, the parent role does not develop if it is not used.</font></font></p>
<h2 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-128" class="western">Role Deficiencies</h2>
<h3 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-129" class="western"><img vspace="0" hspace="5" border="0" align="left" style="width: 226px; height: 74px;" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/100002010000022C000000B8C182FBC4.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-12770514353xxSYpZ130961" alt="pseudo role" name="zw-12770514353xxSYpZ130961"/>Pseudo Roles</h3>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-131"><font color="#000000" id="zw-132"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-133">A pseudo role is a copied, non-integrated role. It does not develop because it is not fuelled by the actions, emotions, feelings and thinking associated with "normal" role. Such roles are not part of the "self" or "ego", they are roles we adopt to cope with certain situations.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-136"><font color="#000000" id="zw-137"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-138">Pseudo-roles do not become integrated with the self</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-139"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-140">which</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-141"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-142">only incorporates authentic roles. They are especially evident with people who have suffered high stress levels</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-143"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-144">without the freedom to respond appropriately, and they frequently become protection mechanisms.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-147"><font color="#000000" id="zw-148"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-149">The good news about pseudo-roles is that, the self (the ego) drops them when they are no longer necessary. A little like not needing a crutch after the leg has healed from an injury.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-152"><font color="#000000" id="zw-153"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-154"><font color="#000000" id="zw-155"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-156"><img vspace="0" hspace="0" border="0" align="right" style="width: 249px; height: 94px;" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/10000201000001730000008E0015E963.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-12770518c32bp8JgN130961" alt="pseudo role 3d" name="zw-12770518c32bp8JgN130961"/></font></font>Relationships built on one (or both parties) pseudo role are doomed. The link may initially appear to be there but they automatically and rapidly deteriorate or dissipate when people find new positions, or new friends, or a new partner.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-160"><font color="#000000" id="zw-161"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-162">More often than not, coaches unaware of this, challenge pseudo-roles directly, as if they were integrated authentic roles. This is unhelpful as the owner of the pseudo-role will have significant skill in maintaining the charade. Indeed, for some, just attending a coaching session, or counselling or as simple as a performance review or meeting with the boss can create an atmosphere of heightened tension – expanding personal space. It is not possible to reach a person through this space.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-165"><font color="#000000" id="zw-166"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-167">Think of a time when you have used a pseudo role. What was the situation? How long did the relationship last?</font></font></p>
<h3 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-168" class="western">Mega roles</h3>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-169"><font color="#000000" id="zw-170"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-171"><img vspace="0" hspace="5" border="0" align="left" style="width: 221px; height: 200px;" src="http://writer.zoho.com/ImageDisplay.im?name=666334000000140001/1268899816196.png&accId=666334000000002007" id="zw-1277052c15ckVaPRv130961" alt="mega roles" name="zw-1277052c15ckVaPRv130961"/>Often at the expense of other roles, mega roles are overdeveloped.</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-172"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-173">Such roles dominate due to a lack of stimulation of other roles. And once dominant, can prevent other roles from becoming stimulated.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-176"><font color="#000000" id="zw-177"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-178">A frequently heard example of a mega role I hear from clients is “managing” my children. The role of “manager” is well-developed, and we may use this when a more appropriate role, such as “parent” is not so well developed. We can become a “specialist” and only function effectively as a specialist.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-181"><font color="#000000" id="zw-182"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-183">A coach, for example, who knows only how to relate to people as a coach, may have poorly developed roles as a friend, or spouse – tending to coach a friend rather than just be a friend.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0in; line-height: 100%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-186"><font color="#000000" id="zw-187"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-188">Think of a time when you have played a mega role or recall one that you have experienced.</font></font></p>
<h2 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-189" class="western"></h2>
<h2 style="widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-189" class="western">Developing alternate behaviours</h2>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-192"><font color="#000000" id="zw-193"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-194">The first step in developing appropriate behaviours in a relationship is to recognize the roles of each party. Every role played is always in relation to a counter role. A “parent” role is often appropriately countered by a “child” role, “teacher”-“student”, “manager”-“staff”, “colleague”-“colleague”.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-197"><font color="#000000" id="zw-198"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-199">And, we need to consider how the role is being played: For example, a “Concerned Parent” could be countered by an “Obliging Child”… that is likely to work. However, a “Concerned Manager” countered by a “Resentful Staff” is likely to have some relationship issues.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-200"><font color="#000000" id="zw-201"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-202">It is often the “how” part of doing a particular role that people</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-203"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-204">find</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-205"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-206">the most difficulty in developing. The role itself may stay the same, but the way of playing that role can change.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-207"><font color="#000000" id="zw-208"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-209">So first, we examine the role we are playing and how we are doing it. Is the role I am playing constructive? Is it fragmenting? Is it ambivalent?</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-210"><font color="#000000" id="zw-211"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-212">Then we can examine the counter role being played by the other person in the relationship.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-213"><font color="#000000" id="zw-214"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-215">Thirdly, we can examine what we need to change to</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-216"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-217">move the relationship forward. Do I change the role that I am playing? Do I change how I am doing that role? Do I change both?</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-218"><font color="#000000" id="zw-219"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-220">Consider the following roles and counter roles and what could change to improve the relationship:</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-218"><font color="#000000" id="zw-219"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-220">Fearful Leader - Resentful Staff<br/> <br/>
Procrastinating Manager - Stressed out Team member <br/>
<br/>
Patronizing colleague - Boastful friend<br/>
<br/>
Loving Disciplinarian - Guilty Liar<br/>
<br/>
Gentle Clarifier - Impatient Interrupter<br/>
<br/>
Pushy Salesperson - Doubtful Prospect<br/>
<br/>
Demanding Boss - Fearful Child</font></font></p>
<font color="#000000" id="zw-297"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-298">From this table you can see that some roles we play are constructive, both the role and the “how” are positive (e.g. Gentle Clarifier). Others are fragmenting, both the role and the “how” are negative (e.g. Guilty Liar). And some are ambivalent, either the role or the “how” are negative (e.g. Patronizing</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-299"><font face="Arial, <br /">sans-serif" id="zw-301"">-</font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-302"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-304">ve</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-305"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-306">Colleague</font></font> <font color="#000000" id="zw-307"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-309">+</font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-310"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-312">ve</font></font><font color="#000000" id="zw-313"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-314">).</font></font><br />
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-315"><font color="#000000" id="zw-316"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-317">It is often the ambivalent roles that destroy relationships.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-318"><font color="#000000" id="zw-319"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-320">Once we clarify perceptions (and remember that your perception is your reality just as their perception is their reality!), the roles and counter roles can be unravelled and resolved.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-321"><font color="#000000" id="zw-322"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-323">Each and every day, we play a number of roles. If we want our relationships to develop, then it is in our interests to develop the appropriate (and constructive) roles that enable those relationships to grow.</font></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; line-height: 115%; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-324"></p>
<br id="zw-326"/><p style="margin-bottom: 0.14in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;" id="zw-327"><font color="#000000" id="zw-328"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-329"><br id="zw-330"/></font></font></p>
<p id="zw-332"><font color="#000000" id="zw-331"><font face="Arial, sans-serif" id="zw-333"><br id="zw-334"/></font></font></p>
<br id="zw-335"/><br id="zw-336"/>If you want to download, print or take a little longer to read this, I have published it on Scribd to make this easier for you. <a href="http://www.scribd.com/doc/30549474/Roles-People-Play" rel="nofollow">http://www.scribd.com/doc/30549474/Roles-People-Play</a>
<div class="boxC"><p class="subtitle">Dr. John Kenworthy, "What's better today?",</p>
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