I used to date this guy (who shall remain nameless) who was under the misconception that he could do better than me. This probably comes across as a bit cocky on my part, but allow me to explain.

I was twenty-two and HOT. I had a real job, made lots of money, and had my own place in Virginia Highlands. I drove a new car (thanks, Dad), attended classes, was well-traveled, and fairly knowledgeable about politics and music. I had a nice stereo, a big bed, and I actually liked hanging out with him and his friends and drinking imported beer and listening to indie music. Oh, and did I mention I was HOT?

But, for the life of me, this boyfriend just couldn’t really seem to make up his mind if I was really what he wanted. No matter that he didn’t have a car and slept on a futon mattress on his floor. No matter that he was not what one would call a “ladies man.” As cute as I found him and charming in his own sort of socially awkward way, he was not the guy who walked into a room and the women all swooned. I paid for our drinks. I provided the clean sheets and the nights out to dinner. He was, let’s say, an acquired taste. So, we would break up and agree to “see other people” and weeks later, he would see no one and we would get back together. You couldn’t pay me to be twenty-two again.

I recall a late night conversation with him where he tried to explain that he had never really dated much before (uh, Dude, you’re my second ever boyfriend) and that he really felt like he owed it to himself to “play the field.” I listened to this for a few minutes, nodding and smiling and then told him that either the door is open or it’s closed. I didn’t want to be one of his dates. I was his girlfriend or I was nothing. And if he was smart, he’d look around and see that it’s not going to get better than this. We broke up for good shortly after that. This little insight into my pathetic twenties reminds me of a few recent client relationships.

So, you have an open position you need filled. You have interviewed a stellar candidate and leave me a message about how you “really, really, really, really like her.” She has a few phone interviews plus two in-person interviews that require her to take time off work. Two weeks later, you’d like her to meet the client. A week later you tell me that you’re working on scheduling that meeting and that, surprise, you also just started interviewing someone else. So now we need to see how she works out.

Given the fact that my candidate is still in this process a month later, there’s no telling how long this other candidate will take to jump through the same hoops. And what if, in three weeks, another resume appears on your desk that looks interesting? Then what?At what point, do we stop the “searching” phase and get into the “deciding” phase of this relationship? Do you have commitment issues? Because, I’ll tell you, it’s kind of a red flag about you that, although you “really, really, really, really liked her,” that’s not enough to get down on one knee.

There are plenty of other agencies who know a good thing when they see it and are ready to make a move. At some point, you’ve got to trust your gut and pull the trigger. Or decide to break up and date someone else. Don’t be that guy.