Finding Courage

My son plays soccer. Which makes me? Aghhhh! You guessed it, a soccer mom. I don't drive a mini-van or an SUV, I think I'll stick with my Honda Accord. Anyway..., He just started playing last Spring and he's doing pretty well. He is finishing his first season in AYSO, and I have really enjoyed taking him to practice and attending his games. I am the perfect fan, I don't yell, surprisingly, and I clap and say "Woo!" quite often.

I am very proud of him. He has tried really hard to keep up with the other boys. It is difficult because most of them have been playing for the last eight or nine years. After the first couple of practices, he would hop in the car happy and loving it but would look at me and say, "I shouldn't even be on this team, they all play so much better..." I would encourage him and tell him to just watch what they do, listen to his coach and he would get better. He loved playing, so I knew he would excel. Plus, he had a terrific coach that took the time with each of his players and made sure they were enjoying themselves and learning.

There was one boy on the team, however, that had a habit of degrading and yelling at the players every single time they had the ball at their feet. He has consistently done this since their first game. I knew it was hard on my son, mostly because he was so new to the sport. But he kept his chin up and just played on. Last night, after practice, he climbed into the car and with an excited tone, proceeded to tell me what had happened at practice. The same young man was up to his old tricks of yelling and screaming things like, "What are doing? Why are you doing that? What are you thinking?" That is until, my son decided he had had enough and told him to stop, citing that this boy always yelled and that it was enough, to just stop. And, interestingly enough, he did. My thirteen-year old soccer player couldn't believe it. His request had been heard.

Sometimes, we get stuck in a contentious environment, one that is demeaning and humiliating. And often, it has been a festering situation, one that is painful and seemingly hopeless. It could be within a family or in a workplace and it may feel like you are stuck and there is nothing you can do. I think that is how my son felt. There comes a point when you hear the degradations so often that you may even begin to believe them.

Early on, during my first adult full-time job, I was a very young dental assistant when a hygienist kidnapped everyone's ego in the office and held it for ransom. She thought she had the power and the paycheck to do so, that is until she was called out. After two long years, the rest of us rebelled and decided we didn't deserve to be treated like second-class citizens, that life was too short to be ruled by a 27-year old tyrant who thought she was God's gift to the molar. She soon lost her power base and her desperate shenanigans to maintain control eventually cost her, it was mutually agreed upon that she leave - she was fired with dignity.

When our strength is questioned, when our knowledge is laughed at, when we are new to a position or circumstance, it is easy to wonder, ourselves, if we are in the right place, if we have made the right choice. When I feel those questions creep in, I often say to myself, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am learning exactly what I am supposed to be learning. I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. When the supplemental support isn't there, it can be found from within oneself. Finding the confidence to summon it is the hard part. Here's the thing, when negativity pervades, there is plenty of unused positivity to conjure up - it can be all yours. Just make it so.

by rayannethorn

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Permalink Reply by Greg on November 1, 2010 at 11:18am

Rayanne,
A great post. I can totally relate to it currently. I've been in the game for 10+ years, have done really well but switched up the firm i was with late last year and found myself in a difficult predicament. I chose the wrong firm after being in the right place for 7 years. Then, to make the situation worse, i decided it was time to go and started looking in July. I had 6 job offers. I had so much to choose from, and guess what? I hit strike two. I chose the wrong firm again. Now a month in, i am totally lost, down, full of despair and not trusting my instincts anymore. I am barely dong any work and just have no confidence in myself anymore which has never been the case. If, by any chance anything positive comes from this chaos it is the notion that i really want to get out of the agency life and really get out on my own. But i of course need to muster up that courage more than before if i am going to make that jump.

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Permalink Reply by Greg on November 1, 2010 at 1:20pm

Rayanne,

Thanks so much for the response. I agree as well that everything happens for a reason. I've spent the bulk of my time entrenched in tech recruiting and as i said although in the past have found success, my mind is telling me there is more out there for me. The desire to find that "niche" of sorts is ever present. I am a believer from a recruiting sense that you will find real success if you have an interest and if you are lucky a passion for what you are working on. So i am using this downtime to figure that out. I am kind of going along the lines of "what do i want to be when i grow up?" You know how it goes, sometimes those who can't teach or coach or in this situations, perhaps recruit. I have never had an interest in the technology world, but just fell into it and now, maybe this is my chance to find someone truly amazing that will get me out of the agency world and be my own person.

Rayanne said:

Hi Gregg-

So sorry to here about your current and previous predicaments. I don't know about you, but I am firm believer that everything happens for a reason, whether or not it is just to teach us a lesson or take us to a different plane/level.

I was in a similar situation a couple years ago, I left one fire and jumped into another but those burns made me tougher and I understood the business on a different level when all was said and done. If your gut is telling you that you are in the wrong place and you believe it, it may be time to listen. It's never easy, especially if it was a recent change and the upheaval dust hasn't even settled yet... I was very honest in subsequent interviews, stating that while I had made a poor choice, that there were skills added to my plate that weren't there prior - so it ended up being a worthwhile experience.

Best wishes as a new decision looms for you, keep me posted!