My kids like to claim that I am a hoarder. I think I may have some slight tendencies but none so fierce that require some crazy intervention. Actually, I think there is a reason behind wanting to hang on to certain items. I think I am trying to save memories. Sounds silly, I know, because if it is a memory, if it is truly a memory, than you really don't need to save anything physical - it will all be here (right index finger taps right temple) or right here (right hand covers heart.)

But here's the thing: the older I get, I think there is actually less space here (right index finger taps right temple.) So, recognizing this phenomenon early on, I started saving every wonderful thing my children have ever done (it's a lot of stuff - because, well, everything they do is wonderful) and every photograph, every program and ticket stub from every show I have seen, every essay or poem I have ever written, every script and Directors' notes from every show I have ever been involved with, and every business magazine (my faves: Business 2.0-no longer published, FastCompany, Entrpreneur, and Inc.)

These items were all fairly organized, I knew where to find them, each item. I enjoyed having these things to spark memories. But, life changes, venues change and sometimes, you have to download stuff to the round file.  This has been a constant activity for the last several months. In anticipation of my household move, I started offloading and outsourcing memories. I was also able to go paperless in many areas, this has helped.

My new home has less storage space and I have declared myself to be storage-unit free, so by process of elimination, "memories" have been reassigned or let go. It has been incredibly freeing, but not without levels of stress. This has been done with my place of employment, as well. I have learned appropriation. Listen...(clue), I am not saying I am cured. I don't think that is possible, but I can do this one day at a time - and no, it is not easy. Old habits are hard to break. I finally, stopped taking notes all day, during every conversation, face-to-face or voice-to-voice. Now, I listen.

Listening is not an easily attained skill, as a matter of fact, there are many who believe themselves to be accomplished listeners. And yet, they are not, most are usually concentrating on what they are going to say next, instead of what is being said before them. I am still trying to increase my own level of skill at listening. I think it must be a life-long process and a way of letting go of self while really embracing what is here and now. And if you really listen, really, then the deciphering of personal beliefs and honing of personal practices might even be attainable. The honing - the actually shedding of the unneeded.

If it weren't so hard, it would be so easy.

by rayannethorn

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you always have good things to write about

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