Welcome to the Recruiting Hotline 

If you are  in obsessive compulsive, need of a job. please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, and  afraid to leave your rotten job. please ask someone to press 2.

f you have  multiple resumes to fit your multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, apply for every job we have posted on the company careers pages. we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic,  became a different person between the phone interview and the on site. listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, got over excited about your interview then bitched to the interviewer for an hour about how bad your current boss is,  it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are anxious,  please remember it has only been an hour since you were inteviewed ,just start pressing numbers at random.

If you are phobic, keep in mind that only you know what kind of drugs will show up in the drug test and we really don't care about your bad credit so don't press anything.

If you are anal retentive, the 400 questions you asked three times in the interview have already been answered three times.  please hold….