Wednesday Wisdom: The Quest

Dear Claudia,

I’m trying to sort something out and I’d like your thoughts about it. I’m a classic Type-A personality: I like to be in charge, and expect to succeed at everything I do. My family was pretty poor when I was growing up; my parents struggled to feed us kids, and lots of times we went without. As the oldest, I worked three jobs through high school and college to help out; it was difficult, but I graduated with honors, and eventually started working in a recruiting agency. I have been there for 5 years, a top producer with an income to match. So what’s my problem? About a year ago I started really wondering what it means to succeed, and how a person can ever know if they are truly successful. My question is, what do you think is the definition of success? Is it the result of hard work and overcoming frustration and suffering? Or some thing that comes from more abstract concepts like happiness, love and joy? How do you know if you have achieved it?

Struggling

Dear Struggling,

You have certainly asked the 7-figure question, and many go through life without ever finding a good answer to it. I think you’re ahead of the crowd though, because you already know what you don’t know; imagine if you were oblivious to your quest for success and spent your life randomly, with only a vague sense of unease that there might be something more out there for you.

My take is that the definition of success is highly personal, and it is based in how well you know and understand yourself. Your values, the guiding principles of your life, influence your choices and priorities in the quest. So when you define success for yourself, you must also decide if it relates to the achievement of short-term goals and objectives, or more broadly to the quality of life and relationships you experience along the way.

For some, success is measured in the collection of money or things; for others, it is measured in the richness of family and friends, of knowing others and being truly known and loved for who you are. Still others define it in the thirst for knowledge, or the simplicity of having "just enough." Only you can decide how to measure success for yourself, but with that great freedom comes the even greater responsibility of living with your choices. So it’s easy to see why it is so important to start by knowing yourself well. A rocket launched to the moon that is off by only a fraction of a degree will miss its landing point by thousands of miles.

By answering the question for yourself, you consciously begin a journey with your eyes wide open; remember that for as long as you live "success" will be on the horizon in front of you: attainable, but calling you ever closer. Remember too that every new piece of information, every new experience in your life, influences and changes who you are becoming; I urge you to reconsider your definition of success from time to time, and allow yourself the joy of redefining it as the old definition no longer meets your needs.

I wish you well, my friend. This part of your journey is really important, and I have no doubt that you’ll be successful here, too. Write back and tell us what you find out.

**

In my day job, I’m the Head of Products for Improved Experience, where we help employers use feedback to measure and manage competitive advantage in hiring and retention. Learn more about us here.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Steve Levy on March 12, 2009 at 6:33am

It's all retro Ami... ;) Been subscribed to the the newsletter for a loooooooong time.

Amitai Givertz said:

Steve, the first time I saw this was way back when in a Lou Tice [Pacific Institute] series of recordings titled: New Age Thinking. Other than some very old [and still cherished] friends who sat through the sessions with me in 1984 I have only met one person since who was familiar with Lou Tice and his work.

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Permalink Reply by Amitai Givertz on March 12, 2009 at 8:04am

Steve, are you serious or are you joshin' me?

Whatever, thanks for the lovely gift. I truly appreciate it, Steve.

Steve Levy said:

It's all retro Ami... ;) Been subscribed to the the newsletter for a loooooooong time.
Amitai Givertz said:
Steve, the first time I saw this was way back when in a Lou Tice [Pacific Institute] series of recordings titled: New Age Thinking. Other than some very old [and still cherished] friends who sat through the sessions with me in 1984 I have only met one person since who was familiar with Lou Tice and his work.

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Permalink Reply by Scott Love on March 12, 2009 at 11:06am

This is great. I really needed to read this today. It helped me gain some clarity on important business decisions and direction. It seems to bring it all back to a centerpoint of importance. The journey and who we become in the process are more important than the end destination.

Thanks so much for such a transparent and insightful post.
Scott Love

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Permalink Reply by Steve Levy on March 12, 2009 at 11:13am

for those who care, I wasn't joshin' Ami...

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Permalink Reply by See_Jane_Recruit on March 12, 2009 at 1:32pm

In order to give the purest response possible I have not read anyone else's reply so I apologize if I am repeating what others have already written!

Success is not tangible. It's not a number, it's not an item. Success is experience.

Life is trial and error. You have to try things to know if it's a good idea or not. Of course, educating yourself before you make your decisions is a wise approach but even then, sometimes you just don't know until you try. You make your mistakes, you claim your victories and you just keep moving. Expect nothing, appreciate everything and keep moving.

I know a lot of good, smart people who sit around talking about what they want but never try anything out. They'll never be successful until they give it a try, no matter how good their ideas are and truly you're doing yourself and the world around you a great disservice if you don't value your ideas and put them into action. If cavemen hadn't tried smashing rocks together and rubbing sticks together we'd all be pretty cold, if not completely extinct.

On my computer I have a sticky note that reads: "Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." -Winston Churchill.

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Permalink Reply by Amitai Givertz on March 12, 2009 at 2:54pm

Right on.

See_Jane_Recruit said:

On my computer I have a sticky note that reads: "Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm." -Winston Churchill.

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Permalink Reply by Steve Levy on March 12, 2009 at 3:54pm

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence and start over...

Heather Bussing said:

My favorite Churchill quote is:

"When you're going through hell, keep going."

I also love the one by Thomas Edison when he was trying to get the filament for the lightbulb to work:

"I'm not a failure, I've just found 10,000 ways that don't work."

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Permalink Reply by Steve Levy on March 12, 2009 at 4:54pm

You know what question hasn't been asked...

What would you do for the sheer, unbridled joy of simply doing it?

Then do it...success follows passion.

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Permalink Reply by See_Jane_Recruit on March 13, 2009 at 11:20am

Well...I just found a new name to call my ex-boyfriend. "Golfer" is the friendliest thing I have been able to call him to date.

Sandra McCartt said:

Did you know that when those cavemen were beating sticks together and screaming that they called it witchcraft. Now they call it Golf.

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Permalink Reply by Steve Levy on March 13, 2009 at 11:58am

I see the real problem: While your ex-bf thought he had a 9 Iron, in reality he had a pitching wedge and dimpled balls...

TGIF

See_Jane_Recruit said:

Well...I just found a new name to call my ex-boyfriend. "Golfer" is the friendliest thing I have been able to call him to date.

Sandra McCartt said:
Did you know that when those cavemen were beating sticks together and screaming that they called it witchcraft. Now they call it Golf.

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Permalink Reply by See_Jane_Recruit on March 13, 2009 at 12:39pm

Ba-dum! Ching! He's here all day, folks! Don't forget to tip your waitress.

Steve Levy said:

I see the real problem: While your ex-bf thought he had a 9 Iron, in reality he had a pitching wedge and dimpled balls...

TGIF

See_Jane_Recruit said:
Well...I just found a new name to call my ex-boyfriend. "Golfer" is the friendliest thing I have been able to call him to date.

Sandra McCartt said:
Did you know that when those cavemen were beating sticks together and screaming that they called it witchcraft. Now they call it Golf.

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Permalink Reply by CoachPhil on April 22, 2009 at 8:12pm

Amitai Givertz said:

Steve, the first time I saw this was way back when in a Lou Tice [Pacific Institute] series of recordings titled: New Age Thinking. Other than some very old [and still cherished] friends who sat through the sessions with me in 1984 I have only met one person since who was familiar with Lou Tice and his work.

Are familiar with Lou Tice? I think he fell out of vogue at some point and the Pacific Institute was labeled a cult.

Lou Tice had some really interesting perspectives on success and how to overcome the self-limiting beliefs that inhibit one's ability to realize their potential. Also, as you say, goal setting was a critical component in his programming, positive self-talk and an affirmation/visualization process too.

Steve Levy said:
What I'm sensing is that Struggling hasn't identified specific goals. Take a look at this:
With the center as Zero and the outside of the circle as Ten, where do you fall right now relative to your ultimate goal on each of the axes. However you want to define each axis - this is your choice. When done, connect the points on the axes and ask yourself - if this were a table top and the points defined the position of the legs, how stable a table would it be?

The point here is that you have seven opportunities each day - one in each area - to make an improvement, or 49 opportunities to improve each week. Improvements aren't quantum leaps; they are incremental movements towards a goal.

But you have to start by identifying goals...