The Birthdays of My Soul

Well, we all have a face
That we hide away forever.
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone.
Some are satin, some are steel,
Some are silk, and some are leather.
They're the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on.

The Stranger by Billy Joel 1978

What mask do you wear? I have a few that I keep at the ready, they are not hidden away. At any given moment, I need to be able to pull that mask out, become that Rayanne and make whatever needs to happen, happen. I guess this is what keeps us from being completely transparent, totally authentic. I believe in it - authenticity. But I also believe in that place that only I know about. The place where I am vulnerable, the place where depression hangs out, that place where I know all the answers or where I am unconditionally loved. We all have places like these. It is vital because these places are where we are humbled, or this place is where we are tested, and this is the place that makes us better men and women.

What I find most fascinating about this place is that most of us believe we are hiding or living a lie. But this is the place where I face my fears and also where I learn the most about myself: my true self. Sometimes, the cover-up is extreme; when all we really want is to tell someone or reveal who we really are. Vampires hide from the sun and mirrors - interesting how the light of day and their own reflection have the power to destroy them. The fear of seeing who we really are is even laced throughout our legends and fantasies.

When I have had the most meaningful working relationships are times when I have been that vulnerable person with so much on the line.Depression has inspired my greatest poetry. When I dress professionally, I behave professionally. While to others, these may appear to be masks - for me, they are the birthdays of my soul, the new awakenings, the dreams I barely dare to dream.

I saw this car on the freeway the other morning and had to snap a pic. A tatted-up Bug. What kind of mask is that? Is it hiding the rust in the corners? Newport Beach and the fear of not fitting in? If my car is weird, maybe they won't notice that I am weird? Maybe not hiding at all, but reflecting life all around? Whatever this mask is representative of, eyes were on it instead of the road. Maybe that is just it. The mask that deflects attention elsewhere. Wherever your rust hides, wherever you don't fit in, whatever is being said, it's ok. Why? Because you are not alone.

© by rayannethorn

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on June 9, 2010 at 7:40pm

Different faces for different places is more than appropriate. The question is , do we like them all and accept them as part of our persona. If we only had one face we would all be either totally boring or totally crazy.

If everyone saw what i see when i get up in the morning before the war paint goes on they might turn to a pillar of salt. But, i kind of like that ole gal she has been close to me for a long time and we have coffee together every morning. My horses and dogs don't seem to know the difference so i think i'll trust the animals that we are all doing allright. They don't even seem to mind that i smoke. Even my animals have different faces depending on the situation so why in the world would people think they need to be one dimensional?