A Lesson for Me

I coach seventh grade volleyball. I have done so, off and on, for the last nine years. There have been years when we had varsity and junior varsity teams. Then there were years when only one team was allowed but you could hold tryouts and make cuts. While cuts are never easy to make (because twelve year old girls' hearts break very easily) there is a lot to be said for working with eleven or twelve girls to build a solid team, strong in skill and devoted to each other.

Sports are still available at our local junior high because a foundation was established in honor of three former students that died in a car accident after they graduated from high school while traveling together in Alaska. A stipulation of receiving the foundation money was that all desiring students must be allowed to play and that no cuts be made to any of the sports' teams. This is a nice idea, if you don't care about winning. But it depends upon what you consider a win.

The first week of practice I had over forty girls show up..., for a sport that plays six. By the time regular practices got under way, that number had dropped to thirty-six. Then by the first game, my team was twenty-eight. Twenty-seven girls and one brave boy. That gave me four teams of seven, that I rotated in and out of play. I promised each girl they would play for at least twelve points each game. And they did. Did we win? One time out of nine. Was it worth it? I believe so. Don't get me wrong, it killed me to not win more often but we did win, in a different way, perhaps the right way.

Our last game was yesterday. I had eight players that worked very well together and almost always won their match when I did play them together. The remaining 20 players had never played volleyball, still had difficulty grasping rotations, and had trouble even getting a serve over the net. They wanted to, it just wasn't in the cards. But a funny thing happened. These kids supported each other, cheered each other on, told each other good try, gave high fives, teamed up for outside-of-school practices and became a true team. They were there for each other.

Throughout the season, I watched my team captain help another girl, a girl who had trouble even looking anyone in the eye, let alone hit a volleyball that was served right at her head. They became friends and an evolution took place. The new player became a volleyball player. She fell in love with the sport. In my final coach's talk, I told my team of twenty-eight how proud I was of them and how the lessons they learned here were more important than any trophy or plaque. They learned to admire without jealousy, they learned to teach without expectations, they learned to value relationships beyond payment or a win. True ROI and a lesson for me. .

by rayannethorn

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Permalink Reply by Steve van horn on November 20, 2009 at 5:06am

One of my all time favorite coaches & hero, John R. Wooden has an incredible pyramid of success that every coach should use as their guideline. Every CEO & boss should build on, & every human live by to become a better person.
In short: ambition, sincerity, adaptability, honesty, resourcefulness, reliability, fight,integrity, & patience lead to faith.

http://justiceleagueunlimited.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/pyramid_l...

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Permalink Reply by Steve van horn on November 20, 2009 at 5:06am

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Permalink Reply by Fran Hogan on November 20, 2009 at 10:28am

What a sweet story Rayanne. I watched my once shy grandson blossom because of a coach like you. Good for you. A lesson for everyone here.

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Permalink Reply by Barbara Ling on November 20, 2009 at 12:55pm

We have several senseis like that at my dojo - they make the kids simply *believe* they can achieve the next level. Incredible to watch.

Thanks for sharing!

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Permalink Reply by Jerry Albright on November 21, 2009 at 10:12am

Nice story Rayanne. I'm sure these kids enjoyed the season with you. But what about the ones who really wanted to win? You know - winning is not bad. In life we must win in order to provide for ourselves and our families.

I'm questioning the "everyone makes the team - everyone plays" mentality that has invaded our everyday lives. I've coached T-ball and Basketball a few seasons. (Ages 4 through 8 or 9) I saw the parents who forced their children into playing. I've been on first base with a child balling their eyes out because "My dad makes me play but I don't want to".....I felt bad time after time for the children who had no interest in the game being pushed out onto the basketball court at 7:15 AM by an overzealous parent telling them "You're gonna go out there and make a basket!"........I've seen child after child ask me at the end of the season "Where is my trophy? My mom said we all get one.."

John Wooden did not build his legacy of 10 NCAA Championships by having to let every kid on the team. He had to tell quite a few "Son, I'm sorry - but we're going to have to cut you. I hope you try again next year."

Every child is not an athlete. Just as every person is not inclined towards science, or accounting, or journalism. The sooner kids learn the reality of this one simple lesson - the more time they can live in the reality of their true gifts and talents.

I wonder what Wooden thinks about the way so many programs hand out awards to every child.......