Candidate Pushback on Recruiting/HR/Corporate Jargon

I got this as the last paragraph in a well written cover letter by a Sr. Financial Candidate this morning.

It pretty well says it all. I almost fell out of my chair laughing when i hit the last paragraph. Do we think it might be time to get real with our communication?

Direct cut and paste from the cover letter.

"To put a stake in the ground at the end of the day, if you want to maximize leverage, then I’m the best in breed change agent who can give 110% by creating win-win-win situations and who looks beyond the low-hanging fruit to manage expectations by taking a global view which creates synergy to help you maximize customer satisfaction and take it to the next level. So there. Fuck you."

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Permalink Reply by Raphael Fang on February 13, 2012 at 4:10pm

real life is stranger than fiction!

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on February 13, 2012 at 4:14pm

I called him laughing to find out what sparked that paragraph. He laughed and said he had just gotten off the phone with some high blown recruiter who was discussing what the requirements were for a CFO position. Said he didn't know if that bunch of jargon came from the company or the recruiter but thought he would make sure that he had all the keywords in place since they were all used by the recruiter when the candidate asked what they were really looking for.

Except the last sentence of course. He didn't send his resume or the cover letter. The jargon turned him off so he passed.

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Permalink Reply by Amy Ala Miller on February 13, 2012 at 5:00pm

that is hilarious. Of course I didn't understand any of it except that last 4 words. :)

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on February 13, 2012 at 5:45pm

I felt the same way. All of that is just nonsense jargon and bizspeak gobbledygoop to make the spouter sound important. Can you imagine what would come out of their mouths if you just asked what time it is?

"Chronologically speaking based on Grenich mean time for the appropriate time zone taking daylight saving time or lack of same in context i would guestimate 4:45 unless my mobile technology has not synced with both servers in an appropriate manner. In which case.....

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Permalink Reply by Bill Schultz on February 13, 2012 at 7:47pm

He blacked out my bullshit bingo card in one paragraph.

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on February 13, 2012 at 11:43pm

I asked him how long it took him to write that. He said about three minutes because while he was talking to the recruiter he jotted down keyword requirements. Said when the guy got through with all that garbage he asked him one question.

Are they additionally looking for an experienced CFO with IPO and road show experience?

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Permalink Reply by Barbara Goldman on February 14, 2012 at 2:18pm

I can't stop laughing. Why do you get to recruit all the fun people?

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on February 14, 2012 at 2:46pm

I am still laughing about it too Barb. Everybody needs a break from all these docs and scientists. If people only knew what dry , kick ass senses of humor the accounting and financial types have they would specialize in irreverent. The more experienced these guys and galsl get the funnier they are. Totally PC in the board room and office but ribald hilarious when they take off the tie.

Or it could be that my own sense of humor attracts a certain type. One reason why i love this business. Got a call yesterday from a geologist, talk about normally dry, he started the conversation by telling me that he had interviewed with a big oil company a month ago, hadn't heard anything and happened to notice the ad come out again in the Sunday paper via the career builder connection. He was so upset that he called the department head who had interviewed him ..at home on a Sunday and said he needed to know something since it had been a month and the ad was back out.

I groaned and asked him what the hiring manager said. His response was, "Suffice it to say that i s crewed the pooch, I got a call first thing this morning from the HR rep telling me that i was no longer under consideration."

I opined as to how that might not have been the smartest thing on the planet to do. He responded, "no shit, why do you think i am calling you, somebody told me you would probably laugh about it, give me a lecture but would not write me off as a complete idiot, albeit i may certainly fit that criteria today."

Ya gotta laugh about most of this stuff and move on.

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Permalink Reply by Sue Orr on February 16, 2012 at 1:08pm

That may just by your sense of humor Sandra. I used to work in an accounting position at an oil and gas company. It was the most miserable job of my life. I hated dealing with financial and accounting types; they were the meanest, rudest, most self-centered people I've ever worked with. I don't miss anything about them. I'm so glad that I mainly recruit geoscientists or engineers now. I prefer their sense of humor and high level of intelligence. None of the accountants or finance people I worked with in that job had a sense of humor.

Sandra McCartt said:

I am still laughing about it too Barb. Everybody needs a break from all these docs and scientists. If people only knew what dry , kick ass senses of humor the accounting and financial types have they would specialize in irreverent. The more experienced these guys and galsl get the funnier they are. Totally PC in the board room and office but ribald hilarious when they take off the tie.

Or it could be that my own sense of humor attracts a certain type. One reason why i love this business. Got a call yesterday from a geologist, talk about normally dry, he started the conversation by telling me that he had interviewed with a big oil company a month ago, hadn't heard anything and happened to notice the ad come out again in the Sunday paper via the career builder connection. He was so upset that he called the department head who had interviewed him ..at home on a Sunday and said he needed to know something since it had been a month and the ad was back out.

I groaned and asked him what the hiring manager said. His response was, "Suffice it to say that i s crewed the pooch, I got a call first thing this morning from the HR rep telling me that i was no longer under consideration."

I opined as to how that might not have been the smartest thing on the planet to do. He responded, "no shit, why do you think i am calling you, somebody told me you would probably laugh about it, give me a lecture but would not write me off as a complete idiot, albeit i may certainly fit that criteria today."

Ya gotta laugh about most of this stuff and move on.

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on February 16, 2012 at 1:45pm

@Sue, i know exactly what you mean. In the office they are about the most uptight, snippy, dry as popcorn on a hot rock in the desert types on the planet. Out of the office or not dealing with them in an official capacity it's like Drl Jeykel and Mr. Hyde. In another life i was an accountant and probably as you describe. Dealiing with numbers, payroll, the IRS , the SEC and management wanting the numbers to be what they want them to be will make anybody mean. That's why a lot of them drink a lot. Or maybe that is why i am as nuts as i am. :)