It's Just Not Worth It

The other day, I sat in a courthouse. I felt like a fish out of water. I felt like a renegade. I felt like everyone stared at everyone all the time. I felt like I was in the wrong place. I felt like I was being judged by everyone. Security was even tighter than the airport. I had to return my phone to my car. They wouldn't even let me bring it in: fear of me taking pictures, I guess, and exposing all the renegades that frequent the courthouse.

Funny how people act differently when you put them in a different environment. I decided to put my acting skills to work and walked through there like I was an attorney. I was actually asked a couple of times if I was an attorney. Me..., yeah, right. While we all might react different from each other, we also act differently from ourselves. Testing unknown waters. Watching out for blood in those waters and then scoping the nearest shoreline should we run into trouble.

This is not uncommon. As a matter of fact, we probably each run into similar experiences daily. Waiting at a doctor's office, getting in car accidents, navigating a long line, interviewing for a new job...
I have always been a firm believer that people show their true colors when they are put in uncomfortable situations. We see it even here on this site, in this community, when ideas are challenged or statements ruffle feathers.

Friction, people. It's what causes heat, starts a car, and also instigates evolution. When I was 11-years old, I was challenged to a fight after school by the most well-known tom boy in our grade. It seems I had offended her friend and she decided to take it upon herself to teach me a lesson. I showed up at the monkey bars knowing what was waiting for me. About forty kids had gathered as news of the "slaughter" about to take place spread quickly.

The tom boy looked me squarely in the eye and said "Are you ready?" I told her, Go ahead, but I won't fight you. "What do you mean you won't fight me? I'm going to hit you." Well, I won't hit you back. She looked around at the crowd, then back at me, raised her hands in the air and said, "Then it's just not worth it." Everyone stared at me as she pushed her way through the crowd and left me standing alone in the center. Whew! Sometimes, it's better to just not fight, sometimes it's better to just walk away. All I know is we each have to figure it out on our own.

by rayannethorn

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Permalink Reply by Heidi on November 3, 2009 at 10:00am

Rayanne:

Your blog post was moving and inspirational. The last paragraph struck me:

Whew! Sometimes, it's better to just not fight, sometimes it's better to just walk away. All I know is we each have to figure it out on our own.

The way I see it you did fight back although, it was not in the coventional way. You did not lower your standards just to look "tough" but you stood your ground and your bully had to back down. In my book that takes a lot of guts and character. It may have not been the most popular approach but in the end who was left standing?

You may have been scared, but, you still had the courage and strength to stand up while everyone else sat back and waited to see the onslaught.

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Permalink Reply by Barbara Ling on November 3, 2009 at 12:44pm

You went to a far more enlightened school than did I.

People who didn't fight back got pounded upon day after day.

It was only until I stood up for myself and beat up the bullies that it finally stopped.

The time to walk away, I think, is when you're secure enough in your own self-confidence that you simply CANNOT be hurt. Sometimes, alas, that takes a lot of personal growth to achieve.

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Permalink Reply by Thomas Patrick Chuna on November 3, 2009 at 3:57pm

I liked this part:

"I decided to put my acting skills to work and walked through there like I was an attorney. I was actually asked a couple of times if I was an attorney. Me...,"

taken together with the fact you dictated the terms of engagement with the bully, proves that we have as much power in a situation, as we are willing to give ourselves.

pardon me while I take this maybe a bit farther afield..

that's why there are some people who always seem to get their way - they assume it's their right to have things their way, and others are content to just let them have it.

The alpha males & females of this world know this instinctively, and the betas who are sick of being doormats have to learn it. it's like what henry ford said - whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're probably right.

personal growth indeed.