On Being "Inciteful"

I read many blogs that seem to be filled with negativity. It often feels like swords are drawn and gauntlets thrown down. I struggle with this because these are not things that I need to read, to hear. I guess it is true that we write what we want to hear, we write about our own lives.

I try to understand the purpose of incite. Is it to rile up the reader so they join forces with you, to support your unreasonable or irrational claims or to find communities with the same belief systems? There must be a better way to go about this.

My mom used to make Cream of Wheat when I was a kid. I loved it. I loved to dip my toast in it, with butter melting and splashes of milk here and there. I had the prep of my bowl down to a science. But when I left home, I left behind Cream of Wheat. I have never made it for my kids. Never. Perhaps I lacked the patience required and/or I feared they would not like it. And it was difficult to make, stirring and adding liquid to perfect the consistency. Not easy.

One time on a visit to my mom's, she made Cream of Wheat for breakfast. I explained to her that my kids would not be eating Cream of Wheat, but did she have any cold cereal? I tried to explain that they had never had it before and it wasn't something you could just jump right in and eat without having had built up an immunity. :-) I knew my kids would call it, "Gross!" And let's be frank, it is gross. Especially to someone who had not only never eaten it, but never seen it or even heard of it. That would be my kids. I think it hurt my mom a bit, I tried to explain, but it seemed to only make it worse.

Knowing when to engage in a discussion is just as important as raising the issues. I write because I consistently need (and like to give) positive re-enforcement, motivation, or impetus for daily survival. And so, while negativity may seem like a good idea, it usually isn't. It is, typically, a force that drives people away from each other rather than toward. Fueling a healthy discussion is one thing, inciting an unnecessary war is another. Be purposeful. Be mindful of that purpose, and make that purpose sure...

by rayannethorn

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Trish on January 19, 2011 at 4:37am

Rayanne, you bring up some very good, compelling points. Like you, I tend to focus always on the positive things when I write. Also like you, I get frustrated with writers who are always ripping others apart. Sometimes I think they do it just to get more readers. I guess that is a strategy that can work. Personally, I think what working in our industry has taught me is there is ALWAYS another side of the story.

Thanks for keeping us honest and for trying to keep the positive angle going. About the Cream of Wheat...like you, I grew up on it and like you, my kids don't really eat it. It makes me want to make it for them just to see if they'd like it the way I did...with a little milk (or cream), butter, and brown sugar. Cheers!

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kimberly Roden on January 19, 2011 at 9:19am

While I don't agree with "intentional" negativity in posts, I do agree with posts that will incite new ways of thinking and creativity -- especially in the people/relationship area. To your point about knowing when to engage -- that's my challenge and I'll freely admit it. I have thrown out a few one-liner comments to posts that will bash or generalize without justification and I'm not sorry for it. It's just to bring light to the writer that maybe they didn't realize how the impact of what they were writing would have on others. (I'm not naive enough to believe that they didn't though!) I agree with Trish as well in that many will write in such a way that is solely geared towards self-adulation. To them I say, "get over yourself."

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jerry Albright on January 19, 2011 at 9:28am

I'm not sure about the main topic - but nixing the chance for your mom to share Cream of Wheat with her grand kids was a crime. I love that stuff. Good thing my helicopter mom didn't jump in right before my first spoonful and say "No way! You won't like it. Don't try it. I love it - but you won't."

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by C. B. Stalling!! on January 19, 2011 at 10:10am

I HATE CREAM OF WHEAT!!!!

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on January 19, 2011 at 11:17am

Proving once again that any topic is bound to incite strong and differing opinons on any given subject.

How could anyone be negative about Cream of Wheat. It's one of the basic food groups. Don't yell fire in a crowded theatre. Just yell "everybody has to eat cream of wheat" or "nobody should eat Cream of Wheat" and see what happens. Appears to be worse than "fire.

Child protective services will be there to talk with you about depriving your children of comfort food any minute.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Slouch on January 19, 2011 at 11:21am

I love the stuff. The more you eat, the more candidates you can call and the easier it is to say to your lousy clients, You are fired!

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on January 19, 2011 at 11:50am

How dare you say any client is lousy. What a negative comment! All clients are wonderful, Cream of Wheat is wonderful, the whole world is wonderful. If you only say good things only good things will happen, everybody will love everybody. There will be smiles and summer rain and butterflys and everybody will love Cream of Wheat, because if they don't they are a communist, a facist or trying to brain wash an entire generation and furthering mind control.

And we will have whirling peas to go in our Cream of Wheat.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Amber on January 19, 2011 at 12:18pm

We ate LOTS of Cream of Wheat - well, Farina - when my grandmother lived with us - and loved it! When I made it the first time for my husband (he does that toast dipping thing, too - yuk!), he said "it's really good, but how come there are no lumps?" Haha, I thought I was sooo talented getting it to come out better then my grandma's. So now I have perfected my skill of making sure there are a few lumps in there, and we both love it like that.

As far as the main topic, I guess there is sometimes a fine line between inciteful and insightful and it is better to have the option of choosing from all types of blogs then anyone censoring what they consider "negative".

Thanks, Rayanne for your blogs. I read them every day now, and really enjoy them.

▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Amber on January 19, 2011 at 5:27pm

Thanks, just read it. Not sure if i would have deleted or not. (Although I did have to "hide" my nephew so my other FB friends couldn't see his references to illegal substances and the *f* bombs flying all over the place!)