Remain Cool and Unruffled

I spend a lot of time working on the phone and meeting with individuals face-to-face. Over the years, I have learned a bit about how to present myself and the company/position that I represent. That's not to say that I am, by any means, perfect at communicating. It is something that I am constantly working on, as I should. Growth comes from doing, right?

So "doing" is what I do. One thing I was taught by an early mentor was that "the next one who talks, loses." I hate to say it, but, in a way, it is true. We often forget to listen. We often forget to take a moment before we speak. We often get so caught up and enthusiastic about what we are going to say next that we fail to truly listen and then respond to what we have heard. That's where the "losing" occurs. The opportunity to learn about the speaker, his needs and strengths, is right there before us.

Communication goes two ways. If it doesn't, then it is not communicating, it is dictating. Yet when you stay cool and collected during a conversation, the gain is yours. Thomas Jefferson - "Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances." Even ol' Tom knew - the next person to speak, ... Or in many cases, the first one to lose his cool loses.

Using common sense and the wisdom you have gained seems logical, right? But many fail at this simple and sound practice. Why is that? What is it that drives individuals to poor listening skills and selfish communication? Perhaps life and business moves at such a quick pace now, that real and decent conversations, those that mean something, have no chance at full development.

by rayannethorn

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Permalink Reply by Brian Meeks on November 17, 2009 at 11:08am

I have heard the saying about 'losing' many times myself, and I too use it as a reminder to make sure that I am listening. I also try to remember that I have a bad habbit. Sometimes when I should be listening, I find that I am actually thinking about what I want to say next. So I am, in effect, talking, but only in my head. This can be easy to do in this day of digital communications, where the person you are speaking with can't see that you have zoned out. So thanks for the reminder of the importance of 'active listening', not just being quiet while someone else is talking.

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Permalink Reply by Mat von Kroeker on November 17, 2009 at 11:50am

Somewhere in the last 20 yrs or so, society lost the meaning of "democracy" - somehow compromising and meeting in the middle to accomplish a goal. Too many times these days, individuals walk into a meeting wanting what they want- and if they don't get it?? They've lost. The art of listening carefully in order to "compromise to win", needs to be brought back into the fold.

Also-- thank god you spelled "lose" "losing" and not "loose" "loosing". Do you realize how many times that word is misspelled all over the internet?? Drives me nuts!!

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Permalink Reply by Shari Burke on November 17, 2009 at 1:50pm

I often told my sales people that they have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason! I sat and watched them cut the client off in the middle of his sentence to sell more and client was ready to place an order. I told them that if I tapped them with my foot - time to shut up!

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Permalink Reply by Brian Meeks on November 17, 2009 at 2:51pm

I know what you mean about lose. I often have to check to make sure I haven't made that error. For some reason my fingers just get going faster than they should and that extra 'o' sneaks in there.

Another word that drives me nuts...if I may...Peruse. It means to "read thoroughly". And what about decimate? It means to reduce by 10%, not completely destroy, though I do believe some dictionaries have caved and included the incorrect definition now.

We need an Academie Francais for the English language....or perhaps I am being curmudgeonly?

Mat von Kroeker said:

Somewhere in the last 20 yrs or so, society lost the meaning of "democracy" - somehow compromising and meeting in the middle to accomplish a goal. Too many times these days, individuals walk into a meeting wanting what they want- and if they don't get it?? They've lost. The art of listening carefully in order to "compromise to win", needs to be brought back into the fold.

Also-- thank god you spelled "lose" "losing" and not "loose" "loosing". Do you realize how many times that word is misspelled all over the internet?? Drives me nuts!!