Wednesday Wisdom: Catch-22

Dear Claudia,

I totally don’t know what to do about this. I saw my boss and one of my workmates out on a date, although they didn’t see me. How do I know it wasn’t a business meeting? Let’s just say that things were a little steamy at the dinner table, and I’m not talking about the vegetables. I was shocked, because I had no clue at the office; to make things worse my boss’ wife is my best friend. This isn’t really the time to go looking for a new recruiting job, and I’d hate to lose a friend. What would you do?

Rock and a Hard Place

Dear RHP,

What would I do? Mind my own business for the moment, that’s what I’d do. And here’s why: other people’s relationships (married or otherwise) are a minefield into which you do NOT want to walk without a map. Things always blow up in the worst possible way, regardless of your intentions. I mean really, isn't managing your own relationships difficult enough?

Jumping into the middle of this mess at this moment is a recipe for disaster on a big scale, because no matter what you say or to whom, you will lose. This is because (and we’ve talked about this before), what people perceive strongly influences how they act, and at the moment you don't really know enough about the perceptions of everyone involved to set off the actions that will surely follow.

People do stupid things sometimes, even things that they regret later. This applies to your boss, your workmate, your best friend – even you. As long as the situation stays out of the work environment, do yourself a favor and stay out of your boss’ private life. The whole thing may fizzle out soon enough, and you’ll be glad you did.

**

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Permalink Reply by Maureen Sharib on January 7, 2009 at 8:13am

When someone says, "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but..." STOP them in their tracks (after the but) and say, "Then don't." It's real simple that way.

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Permalink Reply by Amitai Givertz on January 7, 2009 at 8:29am

When someone says, "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but... I immediately feign a seizure, froth at the mouth and collapse at their feet. I find this saves the other party any embarrassment and gives them the opportunity to be nice to me instead.

Your approach, Maureen, could easily create an upset. Not to hurt your feelings or anything.

Maureen Sharib said:

When someone says, "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but..." STOP them in their tracks (after the but) and say, "Then don't." It's real simple that way.

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Permalink Reply by Jerry Albright on January 7, 2009 at 3:22pm

Sorry - but I'm just not buying this. Your best friend's hubby is cheating on her and you haven't already told her all about that weasel? Why on earth would you keep working for a scumbag like that?

What is this world coming to when our BEST FRIENDS no longer look out for us?

Oh I'm sure the concensus will be "keep your mouth closed and the paychecks coming"......but if you were MY best friend and knew my spouse was committing adultry you had better get on the phone with me right away!

Once again - call me old school - but in this case the social networking has gone too far!

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Permalink Reply by Claudia Faust on January 7, 2009 at 4:23pm

Jerry, you crack me up - love that you say what I'm sure half of today's readers are thinking. If she were to talk offline to anyone, wouldn't it make more sense to have the conversation with her boss? Either way, she loses bigtime.

Nah, I stand on my original advice.

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Permalink Reply by Jerry Albright on January 7, 2009 at 4:34pm

Dearest Claudia,

I've had more than my fair share of associates who sufferred from "situational" morality. Never once did I consider it any of my business to make any comments about it. I kept doing my job - and they kept doing theirs. No problem.

This case is different though. This is her best friend's slimey husband. BEST FRIEND.

Her boss is a dirtbag.....and since we're in a recession - she isn't going to be making too many placements right now anyway. What better time to bail than right now! She should go into business for herself. Today. Then when she DOES make that next placement - it will be all hers!

Friends don't let friends go unaware of being cheated on. Period.