Dear Claudia,

I have always wanted to recruit internationally, and the job of my dreams just presented itself: multinational company, executive recruiting, heavy travel and C-level visibility. This will mean a lot of changes for my husband and our 15 year old twins who are active in just about everything you can imagine at school these days. They say that the decision is mine, but I know how much it will affect the entire family and I don’t want to hear them complaining later. What do you suggest I do?

Torn

Dear Torn,

Wow – tough problem for sure. On the one hand you’ve got a dream job, and on the other you’ve got a family willing to support you. Am I missing something here?

It sounds like your real problem may be tied to Superwoman Syndrome: you’re faster than a speeding bullet, leap tall buildings in a single bound, and never miss a game or recital or parent-teacher conference. You bring home the bacon, fry it up for dinner, and keep hubby happy to boot. And with all of that competence and brilliance, how in the world does your family keep up? Better, how do they compete – and why even try?

Change happens. Not for any particular reason, it’s just a fact of life – and the interesting story is never told when things are running smoothly; it’s how we manage change, conflict, and failure that counts. Your family may be more ready than you think to pick up the reigns in your absence – and the opportunity to become more self-reliant is a very healthy thing for 15 year olds (and husbands too, come to think of it). Give them a chance. The bonus is that as you conquer new and uncharted territory in your professional life, you are demonstrating the self-confidence and grit that you hope your children will apply in theirs. It’s a pretty terrific gift to give young adults.

I say if your family is behind you, go for it. And expect some complaining along the way, because that’s human nature when it comes to change. But live the values that you cherish, be transparent and connected to your family in the transition, and never ever stop being thankful for those who love you enough to let you pursue your dreams. They are rare indeed, and you’re a lucky woman to have them.


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In my day job, I’m the Head of Products for Improved Experience, where we help employers use feedback to measure and manage quality in hiring and retention. Learn more about us here.

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