Wednesday Wisdom: Your Mama Don't Work Here

Dear Claudia,

I’m an independent recruiter, and my husband is a 20-year manager in the automotive industry. The economy has hit our family income hard, and things got worse a few months back when my husband lost his job. I’ve tried everything I know to help him, including setting up several interviews; he always comes back saying what an idiot the hiring manager is, or how he should be interviewing for the boss’ job, or that the company is completely screwed up and he’d never work for them anyway. He’s really smart and a very good manager, but his attitude totally sucks right now and he just doesn’t see it. It’s hurting our relationship and our savings are getting low; how do you tell someone who doesn’t want to hear it that his attitude is killing his chances for a new job?

Sick and Tired of Hearing It

Dear Sick and Tired,

How often do I get an opportunity to write two responses to the same question? Here’s a little something for both you and your sweetie:

S&T:

You sound like a frantic parent trying to teach a teenager how to drive. For goodness sake, hook your husband up with someone else who will help him get a job, and get out of his face about it. I mean it: not another word, no matter how hard it is to bite your tongue. Not only will he feel less emasculated by taking his job search to someone other than his wife, he might even thank you for the chance to pick up the pieces of his own career without you telling him how to do it right.

Count your blessings, and remember that people learn when they are ready. He’ll ask for your opinion if he wants it, so suck it up and remember that you married him for better or worse. And although this is difficult, it’s definitely not as bad as it could get. Seriously.

And as for you, Mr. S&T:

What’s more important to you at this moment - being right or being employed? Disengage your ego long enough to remember that you’re not in this boat by yourself. I understand that you’ve worked hard, that you’ve proven yourself on your way up the ladder, but character is tested when the going gets tough and this is your bonus round. Get out there and find something you can do – anything - if only until the economy improves so you can move on. There are no perfect companies out there, just as there are no perfect managers; find one that you can live with, quit whining, and get your sorry self back to work.

Happy recruiting and job searching, my friends!

**

In my day job, I’m the Head of Products for Improved Experience, where we help employers measure and manage feedback as a business metric to improve engagement and retention. Learn more about us here.

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Permalink Reply by Deborah J. Boyd on July 29, 2009 at 10:24am

No doubt this story is repeated many times in today's wrecked economy. What I am seeing is that most companies have put off adjusting their operations to the computer and the Internet, not to mention globalization.
Here in the USA we had it made after WWII. Europe was down for the count, USSR was only interested in Space race and Military build-up so USA companies were growing like wild fire to keep up with demand from the GIs coming home to an inspiring victory. Interestingly enough, many of the women, who had been employed while their men were at war, went back to the kitchen so full employment was pretty easy to reach. Since oil was pretty cheap we built a world around driving as if driving a car were the same as sex. Couldn't get enough of it. The bigger the fins, the better the experience of the drive. Now somewhere in all this there was a report in the 20s that told companies that a manage could only manage about 10 people. I think this was very responsible for the huge build up of big business. When I worked for IBM in the late 70s they had 9 levels of management. GM, Ford, GE, Westinghouse....all probably had the same. We are now moving into a world where we must all become managers because customers demand and get instant service because globalization has increased competition and technology has enabled the virtual elimination of geography as a barrier. The downside of all of this is that 80% of the world resents change. Now instead of one change at a time which is hard enough for people to adjust to we get multiple changes to the extent that it is very frustrating.
SO!!!WHAT HAS THIS TO DO with the job seeking husband and the self-employed recruiter? Frustration is the key word here. The only way to cut down on the frustration is to do some homework on the companies that you are scheduled to interview with. It sounds to me like your husband is hitting the "over-qualified" wall. That is another great myth I wish would be relegated to history. There is nothing written in stone that indicates you must make more on the new job than you did on the last but that is still the way many interviewers approach the job. Management is the hardest job to get because everyone is afraid of the outsider wanting to come in and change everything. To the manager that is looking for the new job.....give up the myth that your old company was SOOO right. If they were really that good why are you looking for a job? All the things that GM is doing in recent months should have been done 20 years ago. All USA big business got addicted to the idea that advertising could sell anything they did. We are now moving back to solving real challenges with real solutions.
Customer Service is king. Quality control is queen. Many people that have left salaried positions need to learn to be independent. Instead of putting all your energy into a "job" search, use part of your time to build a business plan to search for income. Many small businesses need help from experienced executives. Join some professional networks and get some business cards that you can pass out if you attend any meetings. Get in touch with college friends. If you have a church, tell some of the people from your church you are looking for a new challenge. Don't forget charities. They need managers too. The above advice was excellent. The wife can't be the recruiter for the husband because it is similar to the surgeon operating on a family member.