I have spent the last several years building my professional network.  This includes individuals for whom I have great respect and with whom I have worked or spent time.   In addition, there are several people who are contacts I have made via social media; many of whom I have not officially met IRL (in real life).  There are numerous professionals through RecruitingBlogs.com, LinkedIn, Facebook, Plaxo, RecruiterEarth.com, ERE, and Twitter that have become a part of a trusted circle of individuals that I would call friends.

 

It is interesting how this all works and how in such a short time, how important these people have become to me.  In a matter of a few short years, many of these contacts I consider dear friends and have developed a level of professional trust that supersedes any  I have ever felt before.  I know that this comes from the information share and easy exchange that social media allows.  I am lucky enough to be someone that loves her work, who cherishes the relationships I have developed and who looks forward to the daily barter that has become such an important part of my work life.

 

Over these years, I have tried to remain as professional as possible and have reaped the benefits of that.  Oh sure, there are the occasional slips on the Recruiting Animal Show, when I have let my feelings known by a very well-placed outburst or searing jab.  I am a woman who likes to talk and can find humor or a gap where humor is needed rather spontaneously and I am eager to fill it.  Even through all of that good-natured fun, I try to maintain a certain amount of decorum and fulfill my end of the bargain; have interesting information or questions and deliver them in an interesting way.

 

I guess the reason for the build-up here is that I feel assaulted.  I feel cyber-assaulted.  I received three messages from a member of this network, RecruitingBlogs.com, who decided it was all right, above board, acceptable to send me degrading messages of an extremely lewd nature.  It's not acceptable, not here, not on a professional network that I consider home.  I could have let it go.  I could have just ignored it.  But I have to say, I felt violated.  Like someone had come into my home and rummaged through my stuff, stood in my shower, or tried on my clothes.  It wasn't, it isn't good, clean fun.  It is degrading and debasing.  And not for me - for the individual that decided it was a good idea to line up classically stupid messages for me to receive on a Sunday evening. 

 

I am a mother of four who has worked her butt off to produce the body of work that is Bonus Track.   I put myself through school to be able to provide better for my children.  I love the recruiting industry and what it has taught me and brought to my life.  If I had received these messages on MySpace, I think I could let it go and just hit the delete button.  But here?  At my professional home?  I can't just click delete and then ignore.  The messages will stay in my inbox.  They will stay to remind me that even here,  there are idiots and fools.   Idiots who think professional networks like LinkedIn and RBC are Match.com or eHarmony and Fools who think that a really bad pick up line will work, ever.   If it didn't work at the dive bar you tried it at on Friday night, it's probably not going to work here.  Delete your profile.  You've left the industry, now leave the network.  It's ok, shoo... you won't be missed.

 

Be a positive contributor. 

It's like the old line, anyone can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad.
And just like cancer, sometimes you just gotta Cut. It. Out. 

 

by rayannethorn 

rant 2011

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I recently had a candidate try to pick me up. I had been working with him for quite some time, so we had had many conversations via the phone (he is on the west coast, I'm on the east coast). He didn't say anything lewd but none the less, it made me feel a little gross, like a piece of meat. I handled it in a professional manner (basically ignored it, made a comment that I'm married and moved on). In any event, life goes on. However, I agree that this forum should be a safe place for professionals to interact.

I have enjoyed about all of the garbage, rants, insults and inappropriate behavior by nuts, lunatics and just plain stupid fools that i intend to enjoy in the name of somebody's right to free speech or expression.  I more than most enjoy a heated debate, sharing of strong opinions and the passionate clashing of  word swords by intelligent people. Or even not so intelligent people who just think differently.

 

I believe we all know the difference between a nut,lunatic or jerk and a strong passionate opinion.  Ignoring them does not work.  Calling them out may create some uncomfortable moments but it usually sparks them to go so far beyond the acceptable limits that they either leave on their own or are removed after their "trigger trips".  It is sometimes disconcerting to watch, listen to or read as they decompensate but something i strongly believe needs to happen until they either start their own venue or go where they can find like kind nuts, lunatics and jerks.

 

Not being one to waste a lot of time writing letters to the editor i have in fact decided to spend a little time expressing my disdain for what i feel is garbage.  In line with that i have sent the following:

 

Dear Sarah,

While i respect the fact that you, as some sort of national figure , feel you need to comment on all things political.  I found your low rent reference to parts of the State of the Union message as WTF moments both ignorant and offensive.  I was embarrassed for you.

 

Dear Ladders,

I find your current commercial with the tag line, "we can make you desireable" accompanied by visuals that are both offensive, repulsive and boardering on porn , an insult to the industry in which i make a living.  I believe that you have not only cheapened yourself but have denagrated everyone in the recruiting industry as well as any job seeker who might have contemplated using your service.  If this is your idea of your image i am delighted to know what you think of yourselves and your service so i can stay away from you.  Where else but the porn industry could you find trashy people who would posture and expose themselves on national televison in that manner or do they work in your office?  Sleazy is the only word that comes to mind.

 

Sometimes it is not what is showing but an attitude that a pic conveys.  This one is a cute pic but if you want more of business attitude for a business space you have several that are more classically business than the fun attitude protrayed in this one. 

You might want to review the pics that you have on facebook.  My question would be who is the old dude with his shirt off, his underwear showing wearing the same hat.  Perhaps there is some crossover due to other pics.  I realize that these were part of a fun photo shoot but just sayin, you asked.
Rayanne said:

I received a message this morning from someone on the network who suggested that I change my profile picture; perhaps it should be more conservative, more business-like, then, perhaps, idiots like that wouldn't bother me... 

I am wearing a hat and a smile.  

Is showing my shoulders an invitation for a fool to verbally rape me?  I don't think so, but I would like opinions...  What is the consensus?

Your profile pic is very attractive, but not provocative. Of course, some people need no provocation to be idiots, anyways. I think if someone was suggesting you "asked for it", they're off-base, in my opinion. I wonder how often that type of behavior is directed at men, and if their photos are then scrutinized and questioned?

Rayanne said:

I received a message this morning from someone on the network who suggested that I change my profile picture; perhaps it should be more conservative, more business-like, then, perhaps, idiots like that wouldn't bother me... 

I am wearing a hat and a smile.  

Is showing my shoulders an invitation for a fool to verbally rape me?  I don't think so, but I would like opinions...  What is the consensus?



Amber said:

Your profile pic is very attractive, but not provocative. Of course, some people need no provocation to be idiots, anyways. I think if someone was suggesting you "asked for it", they're off-base, in my opinion. I wonder how often that type of behavior is directed at men, and if their photos are then scrutinized and questioned?

Rayanne said:

I received a message this morning from someone on the network who suggested that I change my profile picture; perhaps it should be more conservative, more business-like, then, perhaps, idiots like that wouldn't bother me... 

I am wearing a hat and a smile.  

Is showing my shoulders an invitation for a fool to verbally rape me?  I don't think so, but I would like opinions...  What is the consensus?

Well, it's a fun pic and there's nothing wrong with that. It's better than what I have at the moment (which is nothing, been meaning to upload a pic....). Anyway, I would prob go with a little more conservative shot, but that's just me.

Rayanne said:

I received a message this morning from someone on the network who suggested that I change my profile picture; perhaps it should be more conservative, more business-like, then, perhaps, idiots like that wouldn't bother me... 

I am wearing a hat and a smile.  

Is showing my shoulders an invitation for a fool to verbally rape me?  I don't think so, but I would like opinions...  What is the consensus?

Keep the profile pic Rayanne!  It doesn't matter what picture you upload, if you're an attractive woman it doesn't matter what picture you put, you will always have idiots bothering you. 

 

Don't worry about it!!  Keep doing what you're doing.  You are not responsible for the actions of anyone else in this world. 

 

Have a great day!!

 

Darcy

Rayanne said:

I received a message this morning from someone on the network who suggested that I change my profile picture; perhaps it should be more conservative, more business-like, then, perhaps, idiots like that wouldn't bother me... 

I am wearing a hat and a smile.  

Is showing my shoulders an invitation for a fool to verbally rape me?  I don't think so, but I would like opinions...  What is the consensus?

Good for you!  This should be a more sacred place than the others.
Your picture makes you look approachable and fun.  If you are okay with that then don't change it.  Whatever you decide, don't let it be because you think that you were even partly to blame for this other persons insolence. You are not!

Rayanne said:

I received a message this morning from someone on the network who suggested that I change my profile picture; perhaps it should be more conservative, more business-like, then, perhaps, idiots like that wouldn't bother me... 

I am wearing a hat and a smile.  

Is showing my shoulders an invitation for a fool to verbally rape me?  I don't think so, but I would like opinions...  What is the consensus?

My daughter is 21 and when she got her first "barista' gig 3 years ago was amazed at the ammount of stupid innappropriate people out there. As time goes on she is less amazed but every once in a while someone surprises her with their new entry in the stupid book. I told her at the start that the  best part of my job is the people and the worst part as well....At almost 55 I don't get surprised that often myself.

There are intelligent, interesting people who enrich/add value. I'd focus on those, but righteous indignation is healthy too.

Interesting posting. I had some fun pictures on facebook where I was "kissing" my family through the eye of the camera.  I got tons of very lewd remarks from skanky men.  Of course I removed the photo from the profile but saved it in my album. I now have a professional pic and no lewd comments.  It BITES that we have to be subjected to such trash when we are trying to show a softer side of who we are. 

Keep your pic. It is fun.

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