Off topic but funny to men

Nine words women use

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying bleep you.

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by M A on February 20, 2009 at 9:49pm

Just thinking about how many people I am going to forward all above too.... hmmm, I think I'm going to be accused of spamming by my friends this week-end :-)

Permalink Reply by Steve Levy on February 21, 2009 at 7:21am

I'm thinking about how recruiters might use the very same words...

Permalink Reply by Steve Levy on February 21, 2009 at 9:18am

(1) Fine: This is the word recruiters use when asked by candidates how they did on the interview. Typically usage is for times when the candidate spilled coffee on the interviewer, spoke too long about their mother, or farted during the interview; candidate's first feedback to you was I think I did well but you never know about these things.

(2) Five Minutes: While waiting in the lobby, what the receptionist tells you is how much longer you'll have to wait before the interview. Typically turns into multiples of five minutes - like fifty-five minutes which is exactly how long it takes a recruiter to decompress after the previous interview where the candidate proceeded to do any of the following: Unveiled the tattoo of the company's logo they recently had inked on their upper arm; showed the miniature portraits of the five corporate executives on the fingernails of their left hand; or sang an original company song to the tune of We are the Champions.

(3) Nothing: What a recruiter says in response to three successive candidate questions: Is there anything else I can do to make sure the hiring manager wants to see me again? Nothing. Should I send them a thank you note and a picture of me wearing the t-shirt I made with the company logo on it? Nothing. Should I connect to them on LinkedIn? Nothing. Can also apply to a hiring manager - see #9.

(4) Go Ahead: What recruiters say after the candidate says, Would you like to see my personal blog? I mean, it's not about business but there are lots of pictures and videos of us at family functions - I'm really big into social media! Go ahead never means go ahead...

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by candidates. A loud sigh means the recruiter thinks you are an idiot and wonders why they are wasting their time and arguing with you about why anyways is not a real word or you axe a question rather than ask one.

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a recruiter can make to a hiring manager. That's okay means the recruiter wants the hiring manager to think long and hard after they say that despite the 10/10 candidate you presented them, they want to see more people.

(7) Thanks: A hiring manager is thanking you; do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - unless they say Thanks a lot: This is PURE sarcasm and they are not thanking you at all - they are wondering how much pain they're going to inflict on when they go to their boss and tell them how little you're doing to help them recruit talent. Under this scenario, DO NOT say You're welcome: that will bring on a whatever.

(8) Whatever: Is a hiring manager's way of saying bleep you.

(9) Don't worry about it: Another dangerous statement but geared towards the hiring manager, meaning this is something that the hiring manager has told a recruiter many times about experience that candidates must have only to be presented with candidates who do not possess this experience. This will later result in a recruiter asking What's wrong? For the hiring manager's response refer to # 3. Further, upon hearing don't worry about it, start looking for a bus under which the hiring manager will throw you.

Steve Levy said: