Sometimes you just have to laugh at how people approach trying to secure employment. The following was posted at the top of a candidate's resume on Dice:
No Recruiters, DIRECT HIRE ONLY!
If you are a recruiter or work for a recruiting company, please read carefully.
You DO NOT have permission to submit me to jobs EVER!
You DO NOT have permission to add my information to your database.
If I find out that you have used my name or resume securing a client, I will sue you and your company to the fullest extent of the law.
Recruiters, If you contact me, you will be reported to The Federal Trade Commission
The ONLY people who have permission to contact me directly are Direct Hire Companies.
I will not be exploited or have the money I am working for given to a lazy person who makes phone calls. Anyone who exploits the talents of others for their personal gain is a sorry excuse for a human being and I want no part of them in my life or career.
I didn't have the time to build the HTML to provide the emphasis or the link to the FTC complaint form, but I think you get the idea without the rainbow of colors and extensive use of bold fonts and underlines. So, any corporate people out there ready to hire this gem? What kills me is most of his career he's been a contractor, so I'm sure that there are plenty of "lazy people who make phone calls" out there who have helped him make a living. You have to wonder why he's got so much anger built up regarding agency recruiters, and more importantly why in the world he would think his resume "preamble" would help him secure a position. All you can do is be thankful he's not on your payroll and talking to your best customer.
As it is I am one of those direct hire recruiters he wants to hear from, and I would have to be pretty desperate to actually reach out to him.