More hump day humor - with a recruiting twist!

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume?
Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.00 computor spreadsheet progroms"

"Received a plague for sales person of the year"

"Reason for leaving my last job: maturity leave"

"Wholly responsible for two failed financial institutions"

"Failed bar exams with relatively high grades"

"I was working for my mum until she decided to move"

"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details"

"You will want me to be head honcho in no time"

"Please do not misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job"

"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers"

"Marital status: often. Children: various."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemail."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

Views: 74

Comment by Lisa Matkowski on March 5, 2008 at 3:32pm
Hysterical!!! Thanks for sharing!
Comment by Jamie Shimek on March 5, 2008 at 5:25pm
Great - I've seen a few of those...fortunately!
Comment by Cherese DeJesus on March 11, 2008 at 11:20pm
Now that was funny!

Thanks for the LAUGH!


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