Parents just don’t understand.

This is more than a song by Will Smith, a.k.a. Fresh Prince, and DJ Jazzy Jeff.  This is reality for many people in various walks of life.  Especially if you’re in a relationship, and you meet the other person’s mom and dad for the first time.

Now, this isn’t always the case with the old folks.  Sometimes, they can be very cool people with fun personalities and great stories to tell.  But in other cases, it can look like a scene out of Meet The Parents.  “Is this a get-together or an interrogation?” you ask yourself.  My friend, the answer is “yes” to both.  They’ll ask you seemingly mild, not too intrusive, and in some cases humorous questions…but beware.  It’s those kind of questions that can get you in trouble the most if you don’t give a good answer.  In some cases, it will feel like you’re under a bright spotlight, getting grilled before you give in and confess that you stole your best friend’s sandwich in the 3rd grade (in my case, it was the other person’s Cheetos).

Ok, maybe that was a little extreme.  But from the moment you walk into their house, to the moment you get up to leave and thank them for the nice Chicken Marsala dinner, you were pretty much getting interviewed.  Even when you didn’t say a word, you were getting interviewed (don’t talk with food in your mouth!).  It’s every parent’s natural intent to make sure their child is going out with the right man or woman, and if they detect anything that might signal a red flag to them, they will let their child know about it in order to protect them.  They may get a little overprotective and go Robert DeNiro on you, but that’s only because they have the best interests of their child in mind (by the way, the above does NOT describe my personal experience, other than the Cheetos part.  Yeah, that was totally my experience.  Sorry.).

This same logic applies to the business world.  Every interaction with a potential employer is an interview.  Every single one.  Yes, folks.  If that’s shocking to you, then please keep on reading!

You would think that the interview process begins with, well, the actual interview.  Wrong.  The interview process begins with the very first time you talk to a person who is in a position to consider you for future opportunities.  From the very first handshake, to the very first conversation you have with that person, they are already assessing your soft skills…at the very least.  Confidence, poise, outgoing vs. introvert, etc.  I know firsthand that I’ve strongly considered candidates who gave me a very good first impression when I met them at a networking event.  And if you’re in HR reading this, I know you have too.  Folks, this stuff matters, so next time, be sure to open strong and impress.  It’s OK to let loose a little bit a have a drink or two if alcohol is being served at an event.  But re-read that last sentence.  Just a drink or two!  Don’t end up on the 11 o’clock news.

This extends beyond formal interviewing.  If you walk around and meet the team for a little bit, that’s an interview.  You are most likely being evaluated on how well you mesh with the team, whether or not you seem capable and competent with the work they may ask you to do, and/or if you are a good person to get along with in general.  If you’re asked what you think about the company’s latest marketing campaign, that’s also an interview.  They are gauging your research of the company as well as your ability to think on your feet and outside of the proverbial box.  And if, and especially if, you are asked to go get lunch/dinner or drinks with some team members, that’s an interview as well.  I’ve heard stories of candidates who did not get job offers merely because of the way they acted at a restaurant, whether they were rude to the server, or they look a long time to decide what to order, or how they interacted with the team or individual during the conversation.  Even team members will ask receptionists how you treated them as you entered the facilities, and that will be taken into account.  Whether or not you think that’s a fair way to assess talent, it is very important to make sure that you’re aware of all these things in case you are in that situation. 

So next time you’re chatting it up with the CXO from XYZ Company, treat it as if you’re meeting the parents for the first time.  Because everything is an interview.  Or you might end up on a one-way cab ride to Bel Air.

Anthony E. Gyamfi

Founder & CEO, Seektastic.com

Photo by "Acinonyx jubatus in Zoo Parc Overloon" by FakirNL - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/