Mainlining Sanity, Part 10

My life changed after my brush with sanity.  Literally.  Every morning we woke to the sound of water lapping along the shore.  We woke to the light of the sun.  We woke to the sounds of nature:  roosters crowing, coconuts falling or children laughing in the surf.  No alarm clocks, as a matter of fact, most mornings I refused to even look at a clock.  Sometimes, I woke at 6am, sometimes later. 

The demands of daily work, a necessary job, the pressures of deadlines and laundry, the anxiety of an empty refrigerator or the dread of school meetings were nowhere to be found.  I also, amazingly, took two weeks off from writing.  I did make notes and took pictures but I let go of a challenging routine that I have adhered to for over two years.  And after 33 years of never leaving my house without makeup on, ever, I took a chance.  I decided I would let that habit rest for two weeks also.  I did not wear makeup the whole time I was away, other than a barely tinted lipstick or an SPF lip balm.   The first day, it was really strange.  I constantly felt like something was missing.  But by Day Two, I was digging it and I never once missed it again.  It was so freeing.  I didn’t wear a whole lot of makeup to begin with, but I did always wear it.

Upon my return, I dreaded having to start wearing makeup again, so I didn’t.  I have worn a little mascara on my top lashes, but that is about it.  Probably as my tan fades, I may wear a bit more.  But here’s the thing, that part of my rest and relaxation came home with me.  My morning routine is easier and quicker now.  I am happier in the mornings and I can’t really explain why.  It may have something to do with the after effects of an actual vacation, a real break from real life.  But I like it, one more chink in the chain of insanity.  It may seem unimportant to men and even some women.  All I can tell you is that I have an unfamiliar sense of freedom and a newness in my life; my life that can be sane, that allows me to remember two weeks of infusing peace. 

We all have an anchor that keeps us tied close to the depths of a crazy sea.  You may have several anchors, I certainly did.   An anchor represents stability and/or immobility.  What if that stringent immobility is what is keeping you from reaching your true potential?  What if it keeps you from getting the rest you need? Of feeling the love you deserve?  Of getting to know the most important people in your life better?  And we sometimes confuse anchors with walls.   We should stay figuratively closer to our homes, family and friends, and the ties that keep us there.  Often, we build walls, thinking they will keep us close.  Too often we build those walls on the wrong side, they end up separating us from those we love or want to love.

I am certain that I am done building walls.  I am certain that the peace and rest I experienced will continue to change me, mold me into the better person I want and need to become.  We so often sit anchored to our pasts or to our desks, when all we really need sometimes is a new wind blowing across the bow or to enjoy the view from the other side of the boat or even to simply look up and see the view.  I do now.  And I will tomorrow, my quest to mainline sanity will be lifelong. 

by rayannethorn