DID YOU EVER HAVE ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHEN...

I hate recruiting in the summer other than the fact that it's inside and i can sit down. There are weather problems and travel problems and vacation schedules and babysitter problems and folks want to bring new meaning to the "slobbing of America" because it's hot. West Texas is in trouble big time right now due to heat and wind and a major drought unlike i have ever seen in my 60+ years in "God's Country". We have had zero rain as in ziltch, nada as opposed to the normal low end of 8 inches of rainfall we normally get in the spring. The temps have been 102 to Sat is supposed to hit 108 as opposed to our normal high 80's low 90's this time of year and to cap it off the wind has blown at a sustained 40 to 50 miles an hour for oh, since April. Wildfires are a daily happening. Ranchers are shipping cattle to the sale that should be on grass until Nov. There is no grass and a fire can wipe out a thousand head in an hour. That my friends is the backdrop for this day of lunacy in the world of recruiting.

It's so damn hot outside (my journalism prof always said never use "very" unless you would use "Damn" and mean it). Well prof. let me put it this way, it's not very hot and really it's not damn hot, it's so mudder truckin hot that you want the dog to pee on a weed just so something will turn from brown to yellow, forget green. Anyway, it's one of those dog pp hot days that you know will wilt your candidate on the way to an interview into a smelly pile but you forge one telling them to wear a suit.

No discussion , wear the damn suit. So what if you have to stay downwind of the air conditioning so the interviewer doesn't get a whiff. The resume in your inside jacket pocket is so wet that when you take it out if falls apart. Wear the suit! So what if their air conditioning is fighting an uphill battle and is coming in four lenghs behind the slowest horse in the last race. They tell you to take your jacket off cause it's hot in the office, you do and you look like Al Gore at the last debate where he was the poster child for global warming. Wear the damn suit.

Ok fine, you were on the way, your car overheated, you popped the hood and ..ok i get it. I will call and let them know that you got caught in the traffic jam due to the grassfire that is burning close to their office. Forget the damn sweaty suit with the antifreeze on it that now smells like smoke. Get home if you can, put on some slacks and a white shirt with long sleeves and get someone to get you there in the next hour. They know half the Texas panhandle is on fire, most of them are calling their neighbors to see if it's close to the old homestead or their daycare so we have some latitude here due to heat and wildfires and blowing dirt.

Yes, goddamnit, long sleeves. I would prefer that Ms. Goodcookie the receptionist did not see the tat of the blood dripping knife with "mom" on it that you so proudly got the last time you got blasted with your Marine buddy. Yes i know, the CFO has a tribal tat on his back the size of a frisbie but see he has a job and you don't so let's save the blood dripping knife until you have an employee number. No don't call me if you have any more problems, just get your unemployed butt to the interview or i will find somebody who has a suit and knows better than to pop the hood of an overheated vehicle on a day when the temp is 105 wearing a suit coat.

Next!

Please let me know your visa status. I am sure you noticed that the posting said, "This client will not sponsor, candidates must be a citizen or have a green card." Oh, you did see that but you know that they will sponsor you after you work for them for 29 months since you are OPT. No tiger, that's not the way it works. If a company does not sponsor and they say that candidates must be a citizen or have a green card they are not going to hire you for 29 months then change that policy. See that's why we put that information on the post. It didn't say sponsorship available after 29 months or 29 years or 29 minutes. Uh no they will not hire you for 29 months. They would have to fire you at the end of 29 months. they are sort of hoping for a longer period of employment. Yes i know that on average people are staying someplace about two years but they are sort of hoping here to be on the longer side of that average if at all possible. If you were going to die in 29 months they wouldn't hire you either so it won't work. Yes i am running another ad for another company on the other side of the country. It says the same thing so it means the same thing.

Next!

No it doesn't matter that you have a local address for five different cities. You don't live in any of those cities now. There will be a series of three interviews so you would have to pay for three different plane tickets and pay your own relocation. No sorry if it says candidates must be currently living in the area or in the process of moving to the area they won't pay your interview expense for the second and third interviews and relocation if you pay for the first interview. Having a problem with this are you? Yes i can see how a company might think you were full of malarkey if you have applied with them for five different locations and given a local address for each location. Trust me if your resume shows that your last three jobs have been in Ohio and you are still employed in Ohio, you applied at five of their locations in different states using a local address for each app, even the most dense of the internal crew might notice that you are either independently wealthy enough to own five homes and don't need a job or that you are still in Ohio and using bogus addresses. I know you have a big family so moving would not be a problem. Listen up Cretin, they want a local candidate. No that is not discriminatory.

And so that's how my day has gone today. It's 4:00 PM I am going to go find artificial plants to put in the pots on either side of the office door. The evergreens that will grow in the Gobi desert have given up the ghost. I have been watering dead plants for three weeks. Gunga Din couldn't haul enough water to keep a weed alive in the Texas panhandle right now.

How's the weather in your part of the world? Ya think it might rain? It's gonna be 106 here.

The only bright spot is that the flys are dying of thrist. HA!

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Amber on June 23, 2011 at 6:01pm

Well, Sandra, normally I can fully commiserate on the HEAT since I live in Baton Rouge but we have had t-storms and RAIN for 2 days now! Actual RAIN, so now if I go outside it will be like a gigantic sauna. But I am grateful we got this rain, because wildfires are one thing I haven't had to deal with since living here.

It is tempting to "dress to the weather", but from experience the exceptions start as no tie or no pantyhose and end up being sandals, polo shirts, and bare arms (usually with cleavage as well) and just goes downhill from there.

Get "all dressed up", start the car a few minutes before you leave, crank up the A.C. and drive.....

p.s. The grass is still brown, but my weeds are green and have quadrupled in quantity and height since yesterday!

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on June 23, 2011 at 6:15pm

Please send used weather to the Texas panhandle. We will take anything wet.

I had a candidate ask me if she could wear capris to an interview. Uh no, not unless you are going to wear them over a bikini and plan to take the off. Try to show them that you have enough sense to want to put your very best self forward in the interview. If you want to slob it up after you get hired that's their problem. My job is to get you there and well presented. If i find out you wore anything that resembles spanex or sandals or a tank top i promise you will want to move out of the county or maybe the world.

Never thought i would say i would take weeds. We don't even have weeds, that's a first. The only thing green in the Texas panhandle is a gourd vine and even a goat will not eat a gourd vine.

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Permalink Reply by Melissa Zentgraf on June 24, 2011 at 11:57am

I'm in Austin. Hot.As.Hell. I keep all the lights off in my east facing office until about 1 in the afternoon when the sun goes to the other side of the house. And this has been the Week Of Visa Issues for me as well.

Yes, the flies are dying, but the ants are marching 2x2 in my house to find water. Sigh...

In the end, it's not so much the heat that gets me, as the fact that it doesn't cool off. When your LOW is 82, it just wears on you after a while. But don't worry, we just have to make it until, oh, October, and we'll be fine.

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on June 24, 2011 at 12:27pm

Had a candidate just tell me that in an effort to be sure her skirt was not wrinkled for an interview she got in the car with her skirt pulled up. When she got out her legs stuck to the leather seat so she is hoping that no one noticed that the backs of her legs were bright red from being stuck to the seat.

We have hydration warnings. Now there's a term for you. My idea of hydrating myself is to turn the hose on and put it over my head. We don't have the humidity that Austin has so we have always sneered a bit at folks from the Southern part of the state. "Sure it's hot in the panhandle, but it's a dry heat so it's not as miserable as it is where it's humid" Yeah right, today is going to be between 105 and 110. When they start giving you ranges of heat they might as well say, "You're gonna die sucker".

I had a candidate in yesterday from the NorthWest. After her interview i asked her if she had any questions. She looked at me and said, "Just one, is my skin ever going to puff back up?" I said, "Sure, just look at me, I don't look bad for somebody who is 28." She got on the plane with a stricken look. I don't think she is going to become a Texan this year.

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Permalink Reply by Julie on June 24, 2011 at 12:31pm

It was 52 this morning in Seattle. I am tired of being cold. Perhaps we should build a big beautiful recruiting center with palm trees and a lovely pool somewhere in the middle?

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on June 24, 2011 at 1:56pm

Julie...52 degrees and you are tired of being cold. Pox on you. As to the recruiting center with Palm trees. Let me suggest the mountains of Colorado and no damn Palm trees.

Bill, you have strange criteria for hiring decisions but no more than a lot of my clients. Whatever it takes. Fine Lobster Legs is all yours.

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Permalink Reply by Valentino Martinez on June 24, 2011 at 3:12pm

Sandra--Hottie in Texas,

Flys may be dying of thirst but the damn West NileMosquitos seem to be thriving here in MIZZOU.

Will trade our 81degree weather and these damn WNsquitos for all that damn heat in Tejas.

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on June 24, 2011 at 3:25pm

@Bill She was funny when she came by my office. She walked in and jerked her skirt up and said ,"look at this". I asked her what in world had happened. She started laughing and said, "Fried my butt and my legs when they stuck to the car seat." "When they asked me what i thought my negatives were i had to fight not to say, "Well i was dumb enough to fry my butt on the way to this interview does that count as a negative." She is funny and i think we will have an offer by Monday.

@Tino We have bug spray, send the 70 degrees. It's so dry here that they won't live long anyway. One of my charismatic friends mentioned to me the other day that maybe this was the end of days based on all the predictions. The only thing i could think of to say was, "Well if that is what it is, i hope your friend gets it over with pretty quick because in my belief system if this isn't purgatory i may straighten myself up pretty quick.

Public Service Announcement. If you are in Texas don't forget that your animals are stressed by heat. Be sure they have shade and water. Plastic swimming pools make good dog spas in this kind of weather.

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Permalink Reply by Sue Orr on June 24, 2011 at 4:30pm

Thank you for the laughs. It's nice to hear that others have similar frustrating candidates. I hate to brag, but we actually got a little rain here in Houston yesterday and quite a bit the day before (first time in months). it was wonderful. Maybe your turn is coming soon- you never know.

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Permalink Reply by Suresh on June 24, 2011 at 5:03pm

Sandra, interesting. Never been to Texas, but can imagine what you are talking about. Did go to college in the middle of a desert town in India, long time ago. We had a sandstorm there once, that was incredible.

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Permalink Reply by Sandra McCartt on June 24, 2011 at 5:30pm

@Sue How can you tell when it rains in Houston. Everytime i am in Houston my hair and makeup melt right along with my attitude. It is so humid on a dry day that i am not sure how you tell when it rains. I remember as a kid standing on the porch at the farm with my granddad. He was a dry land farmer so rain was also a topic of conversation. I asked him if it were ever going to rain. He said, "Yes". I said, "When". He said, "When it does". I know a crusty old French farmer with nine kids didn't know anything about Zen. But Zen maybe he did.

@Suresh We are not desert country, rolling ranchland and farmland. At least we didn't used to be a desert. I heard today that somebody was planning a rain dance on the main street of town. The Christians are praying for rain. The Ranchers are having a Texas cocktail (that's when you take the top of the bottle and throw it out the pickup window because you won't need it). Farmers have turned off the irrigation systems on a lot of fields because you would have to run them 24/7 and with the wind stuff is dying anyway. The only foks who are happy about this own public utility stock in the electric company. I wish somebody would dig a big ditch from whereever they are having all these floods in Minot. It looks like to me it's downhill from the Dakotas to Texas so i don't understand why it won't just run on down the map. Things in my life are pretty simple when you think about it.

I guess it depends on whether the map is on the wall with N. at the top or whether you put if flat on the desk.

I have washed my car twice a day for two weeks and left my horses out all night. Still no rain. My medicine isn't working so i may drop in for the rain dance. Yes they actually do that shit.