20 tricky interview questions...and how NOT to answer them!

There are few things more daunting than attending a job interview. That's why it's good to prepare by considering some of the questions you might be asked. Just make sure you don't end up giving any of these answers....

Interviewer: What is your greatest accomplishment?
Interviewee: Finishing Phantom Mutant Death Fighter 3 for PC - and in work time too! Have you played it?

Interviewer: Could you sell me this pen?
Interviewee (shouting): Get your pens, only 50p. Everything must go. Come on sweetheart, you know you want one!

Interviewer: If our roles were reversed, what question would you ask?
Interviewee: Where did you get that terrible blouse?

Interviewer: Who in the world, living or dead, would you most like to meet?
Interviewee: Oooooh that's a difficult one. Er, I'd have to say 'living' I think.

Interviewer: Describe a complex problem you have had to deal with.
Interviewee: I had a STD once, but don't worry, it cleared up ages ago.

Interviewer:Do you prefer delegation or hands on control?
Interviewee: Er, what are they? Boy bands or something?

Interviewer: What do you enjoy doing outside of work?
Interviewee: Shouting up at the window ‘get a life’ to anyone who's sad enough to be working late

Interviewer: Are you prepared to relocate?
Interviewee: Certainly. Where would you like me to sit?

Interviewer: What do you think you can contribute to the company?
Interviewee: Well it depends how much I have left at the end of each month

Interviewer: Can you act on your own initiative?
Interviewee: I was in the school play once, but to be honest I'm no Sir Michael Caine.

Interviewer: 'What would you say is the biggest risk you ever took'?
Interviewee: Probably unprotected sex'.
Interviewer: I meant in the workplace.
Interviewee: Yes, funnily enough it was. You know what Christmas Parties can be like!

Interviewer: What are your career goals'?
Interviewee (proudly) 15 in 155 appearances for my local pub team!

Interviewer: What would you like to avoid in your next job?
Interviewee: It's not so much a case of ‘what’, more 'who'. Honestly, there were some right sad sacks at my last place!

Interviewer: How do you cope with change?
Interviewee: I put it in a piggy bank and buy myself something nice with it at Christmas

Interviewer: Are you willing to travel?
Interviewee: Duh? How else am I going to get here in the mornings?

Interviewer: Describe the best boss you ever had.
Interviewee: About five eight, a petite blonde, breasts like beach balls

Interviewer: Do you prefer working with a male or female boss?
Interviewee: Oh please. Give me a man every time. I mean women. Temperamental or what? Actually just make that 'mental'...... Your good self excepted of course.

Interviewer: What unfinished business have you left behind that you wish you had concluded?
Interviewee: I had a bit of an altercation with one of my colleagues. But don’t worry, I know where he lives. He will get his.

Interviewer: Tell me about a time when you didn’t get on with your colleagues.
Interviewee: Time? How long have you got? I’ve got plenty of stories where that’s concerned.

Interviewer: What's your relationship with your former employer?
Interviewee: Purely platonic. Mind you she looked like she knew every branch of the ugly tree intimately.

Comment by Fran Hogan on January 13, 2010 at 12:30pm: Very funny Alasdair!
I know you didn't ask for contributions to the list but I do have another one that comes from an actual interview.

Interviewer (me): Why were you terminated from your last job?
Interviewee: Crabs

Interviewer: Excuse me?
Interviewee: Crabs.

Interviewer: Crabs?
Interviewee: Yeah, crabs?

Interviewer: Why were you terminated because of crabs?
Interviewee: Because they wanted me to go to a doctor and I wouldn't

Interviewer: I see....well thank you very much for coming in. We will get back to you and let you know of our decision.

Just for the record I didn't shake his hand as he left and he didn't get the job!

Comment by Alasdair Murray on January 13, 2010 at 12:37pm: LOL!

Comment by Bill Schultz on January 6, 2012 at 5:34pm: Me: What was the hardest obstacle for you to get over?

Candidate: My recent break up with Bob Dylan

Me: Well at least it wasn't Woody Allen (this was during the time he was having an affair with his wife'sadopted daughter)

Candidate: Oh, I dated him too.

Comment by Vaughn Welches on January 26, 2012 at 3:23pm: Great piece!

Here's another actual story from one of my interviews.

After completing our application I asked the applicant why he did not write any dates in his employment history.

He said, "Oh I have a resume" and pulled it out of his shirt pocket, unfolded it and spread it out on the table between us. The typed resume before me also had no dates in the employment history. When I mentioned that to him he said to me. "Well, I had a better resume but the cat peed on it and I had to throw it away!"

Comment by Alasdair Murray on January 27, 2012 at 2:50pm: If the cat didn't like it....

Comment by Vaughn Welches on January 30, 2012 at 11:05am: Alasdair,

You got it!

I have seen so many other resumes that should be referred to the "CAT FILE", and will be from no on!

Comment by Cora Mae Lengeman on March 14, 2012 at 9:26am: Thanks for making me laugh this morning! Very funny read!

Comment by Mary Hope on April 20, 2012 at 7:19am: Best laugh all day.. another gem, thanks Alasdair.. genuine Scot with that name?

Comment by Alasdair Murray on April 20, 2012 at 7:58am: My father was Scottish, so yes, half.

Comment by David Parkhouse on August 17, 2012 at 12:49am: LOL

That stuff is too funny! :)

After reading the story about Crabs... I can't get Will Ferrell's interview (from step brothers) out of my head.

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