Kids Don't Make You Happy

Sociologists are discovering that children may not make parents happier and that childless adults, contrary to popular stereotypes, may often be more contented than people with kids. Studies have also shown, says Simon, that parental depression increases along with the number of children parents have. -- NPR

Norm Geras comments: "How many of the parents surveyed, do you think, would say that they wished they hadn't had their children after all?"

This isn't a fair question. Imagine your teenage son starts manifesting signs of schizophrenia. Would you say that you wished you never had him? No, because you love him. Would you be happier if you didn't have to live with this problem? Probably.

From: Having Kids Makes You Happy, Lorraine Ali, NEWSWEEK, Jun 28, 2008

Traditional beliefs are wrong: kids are not the key to a happy, healthy life.

Danny Gilbert says that marital satisfaction decreases from the birth of your first child until your kids leave home. Parents, he claims, are happier grocery shopping than spending time with their kids.

Arty Brooks claims that parents are 7% less happy than the childless. And Robin Simon says that parents have less positive and more negative emotions than their childless peers.

In pre-industrial times kids were needed source of cheap labour. You needed them to work the farm. Now people have them for emotional reasons so they are purely an expense rather than a profit-generator.

As extended families don't live together anymore and parents work outside the home, they have less
support in raising their families (and, this contributes to depression).

Here's another problem. People used to get married young before they could have too much fun. So they couldn't compare pleasant memories of their single days to parenthood.

On the plus side, parents report feeling a greater sense of purpose and meaning in their lives than the childless and author Lorraine Ali says, touchingly that "I never thought it possible to love someone as deeply as I love my son."

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Comment by Rob Clarke on July 16, 2008 at 12:11pm: Interesting article-thanks for sharing recruiting animal, I love your perspective Rayanne- you have far more parenting wisdom than I do (I only have a very hyper 3 year old son). Parenting is a blessed responsibility and I find myself constantly trying to become a better parent. I can't imagine living life without having children though, it would just seem like something is missing or hollow. But I can definitely understand at times people who do not want the additional responsibility.

Comment by Recruiting Animal on July 16, 2008 at 2:35pm: Wow, Rayanne. You ripped up the pavement with that one. Too bad it's not about recruiting, we could discuss it on the show!

Comment by Art Pitcher on July 16, 2008 at 3:11pm: Rayanne-

I am with you 150%. Is it more pressure to have kids? Yes. The breadwinner responsibility is intense sometimes - much more than it would be if I was alone, but the payoff? When she smiles, all is right with my Universe.

-Art