I once worked for a company where supposedly my job was communications. Oddly enough, I was never allowed to send any communications until a certain V.P (a.k.a. Queen) reviewed it for “grammar.” This did not offend me because I know my grammar is average and I am fine being of average grammar. It simply means I can relate to the general population to which I proudly belong.

There was a reason - behind the reason - as to why The Grammar Queen insisted on reviewing my communications. The intent was not so much due to her command of grammar as it was to the control of it.  She consistently changed the words I wrote not because they were incorrect, but because she believed my writing was that of a court jester and she was after all, The Grammar Queen. You may ask why a company would pay me to write communications only to have them cremated by another? Beats me.

A communication was needed to send to 2,000+ clients. As always, The Queen cut, twisted and otherwise made mincemeat of what I had written. She sent it to the clients with nary a look behind her whalebone-stiffened petticoat.  The last line of the message stated “…and we thank you for your forbearance.” Forbearance? Seriously? I had to get out my Webster to see if it the word still existed.

I am thinking not since the Pilgrims at their last Thanksgiving feast was the word “forbearance” uttered.  “Good day, Prudence. I will fetch you a sarsaparilla in short measure and I am grateful for your forbearance.”

Even if the word is still listed with Webster (it is), why would you ever pull it out of its dusty archive? People. I implore you. Speak today’s English, not the King’s English (even if you are the Queen).  Following this bustle of quaint verbiage, I knew I finally had the gunpowder to fill my musket and aim it to the powers-that-be to reel in said Queen's control. But alas, I remained the imprudent jester.

If you are wondering if my roust did in fact change any imminent communiqué dispatched by the company, the answer is no. In point of fact, The Grammar Queen still wields her power and I jumped the moat and banished myself from that particular castle.

And as I end this missive, I just want to let you know that I appreciate your forbearance. Seriously.