Originally seen on Prime Financial Recruiting here.

Well, we asked for this. We weren't prepared for the response, but we asked for it. We're so used to dealing with professionals, it's amazing to see what some people put on their resumes, including gaming profiles, "he deserved it," and a death threat to all company goats. Here is just a small sample.

1. Makes great coffee. Unless you're applying at Starbucks, this isn't relevant.

2. Someone sent a foot. The joke was they got a foot in the door, and they filled the resume with foot puns. Definitely unique.

3. They "settled." Someone actually put that they wanted a different job, but when they couldn't get it, the settled for the one they applied to.

4. I can use Windows. In 1995, that statement might be relevant, but not today. The same applies to Microsoft Office or search engines. If it's something most people know how to use, you shouldn't be listing it. Likewise, if it's an award everyone has, you don't need to list Time Magazine's 2006 Person of the Year Award.

5. I speak an invented language. Whether Klingon or Elvish, it doesn't need to be listed. Neither does the language you submit the resume in.

6. Typos. Especially when claiming to be detail "oreinted." Typos include: corporate lesion, thyping, rabid, shorty, ruff, and graduated from predatory school.

7. "If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.

8. Physical description. Unless it's for a modeling job, this should never be a consideration.

9. "I have a bachelorette degree." No. No, you don't.

10. Objective. This section should not exist in a resume anymore as it's outdated, but people still use it and put in the oddest things, such as a salary requirement. "$50-$60,000 and some nice benefits." "Yearly trips to SeaWorld." 

11. A table of contents. Resumes should not be longer than one or two pages. It should never be so long as to need a table of contents. Keep your resume more like a highlight. The interviewer can ask for more information if they desire. Generally, keep it to the last seven years or four positions, and list it under the heading of "Relevant Work Experience." This lets the interviewer know you have more experience, but you value their time.

12. Repetition. We mentioned this on our LinkedIn post. This is especially painful if the word or phrase repeated has to do with attention to detail or having a great memory.

13. Personal achievements. You may be proud that you lost weight, quit smoking, or can play chopsticks on a child's keyboard with your big toes, but these do not belong on a resume. 

14. Alliteration. Amusing to you does not mean amusing to someone else, nor is it professional.

15. The email address. Email addresses are free. There is no excuse to have one that is not professional. No email on a resume should include any references to illegal activities or anything that is protected by anti-discrimination laws, including: age, sex, or religion. 

16. A Video. Unless it is you looking professional and basically stating your resume and is requested for by the interviewer or is relevant to the position, don't do this. Especially don't include a video of parkour, being in pajamas, or falling asleep while studying.

17. References to any hate groups. No matter how against them you are, you don't need to mention it.

18. Comparing yourself to anything or anyone. No one should claim they are the next Bill Gates, they are like lemon-flavored rice, or that they are Jesus the Messiah reincarnated. 

19. Sarcasm. 

20. Weird fonts. Everything should be standard; generally, 12 point Times New Roman font. There is no need to hurt an interviewer's eyes. 

The list could go on, with resumes copied and pasted from someone else (and forgetting to change the name or contact information), and one resume that only contained the words, "The height of candle may differ, but they yield the same brightness. It’s not the matter of my experience, but it’s my ability that actually shines."

Have you experienced something unusual? Let us know

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