Copy that 'does the job' is fine. Copy that sells it is better

I'd finished work for the week early last Friday so decided, as an experiment, to throw an offer out on Twitter - I'd write a free bit of recruitment copy for the first recruiter to get in touch with me and send me an existing job ad or description. I didn't hold my breath, and to be honest, had no one taken me up on my offer I wouldn't have lost any sleep over it. I was just keen to see if the 'power' of social media ran to people in the recruitment world spotting a good, no obligation, nothing to lose opportunity. And, after a few minutes, one of them did!

I was contacted by a fellow Tweeter who just happened to have a live vacancy that he felt might be worth me having a look at. After all, as I'd made clear in my tweets, there really was nothing to lose. If he liked what I wrote, fine, if not, no problem.

Because I was going to be busy at the weekend (I quite often work some of it as part of my flexible working from home set up) I set about writing it straight away and, within just over an hour (my normal turnaround time for such jobs is usually 24 hours due to volume of work) I'd put my spin on the original and given it a slightly less formal tone of voice. It was, after all, for a customer service role, where tone of voice is everything! 

I've reproduced the original and the new version below. Given it was written in roughly an hour, I hope you can see what's possible in terms of turning a piece of copy that 'does the job' into a piece of copy that sells the job a bit better, simply by talking to the reader as an individual in a friendly yet professional manner. 

​Your comments are welcomed of course!

Views: 292

Comment by Katrina Kibben on November 17, 2015 at 10:24am

This is awesome - I love the examples. The proof is in the job description, right? 

Thanks for sharing! 

Comment by Alasdair Murray on November 17, 2015 at 10:28am

No problem, thanks for the nice comment. I tried to just show how it's possible to turn a piece that tells the reader the basics about the job into a piece that speaks to them as individuals who might just be right for the role on offer.

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