Turds on my freshly washed windshield and similar annoyances

One of my contacts shared this vent with me. Thought it pretty much sums up some of the lazy, sloppy, clueless types that somehow found their way into the recruiting realm.

I honestly have a ton of recruiters that contact me, the majority are very bad at their job and I would never work with them but this specific recruiter keeps sending me positions where I do not fulfill what is identified in the job description and/or requirements, so after being nice on about a half a dozen of these emails for jobs I am not qualified for, I snapped and sent them this snotty response:

Thank you for contacting me about this opportunity, but I do not fulfill the position requirements and Farawayland is not a reasonable daily commute, being approximately 90 miles from my home. Although I congratulate you on your eagerness to place individuals in new opportunities, I would suggest actually doing a quick review of a résumé and not solely relying on a keyword search before sending out bulk emails to individuals whose résumé information you have hoarded and likely dumped into a bulk database, as well as doing a simple map on mapquest (or similar resource) of the organization's location and the "home" location indicated on an individual's résumé or posting (if provided) for you to be taken seriously as a recruiter. Once again, I thank you for contacting me but I am definitely not the right candidate for this opportunity. Additionally, since I have politely told to you six times that I am not a fit for positions you have taken absolutely no effort to confirm I am a match for, I also suggest you take my résumé and place it in your virtual circular file. Please do not contact me any further!

Makes me think about how frustrating it is to just want to enjoy a fresh car wash for a few days, and along comes the angry birds splattering their turds. Ruins everything and gives all birds a bad name.

Thoughts?

Comment by Christopher Perez on November 16, 2012 at 8:46am: I didn't think that the reply was all that snotty; in fact, I thought it was fairly restrained and even constructive. Whether the clueless recruiter will avail him/herself of the advice therein is another matter. I relied on clueless people like this when I made my decision to become a recruiter. I knew that it would be a double-edged sword (guilt by association but also the huge opportunity to differentiate myself by simply being professional) but that was a bet I was willing to make.

As an aside, when I read the title of this blog post I was *certain* that it was going to be by our beloved Sandra McCartt! That's a compliment, by the way. Good post Kelly!

Comment by Kyle Schafroth on November 16, 2012 at 10:53am

I have to agree with Christopher on this one: it's not that bad of a response (no sprinkling of expletives or dash of schoolyard name calling) and as pointed out there's legitimate advice in there...READ THE RESUME.

What's sad is that:

Your contact will probably still receive a few more "opportunities" from this 'recruiter'. (I'd just set the email address to Spam or auto-route to the Trash)
An increasingly large number of folks that operate with this shotgun approach are entering the business
The "clean car radar" that birds have will never shut off and they will forever laugh (chirp?) at your freshly washed vehicle sitting in the parking lot/bombing zone.

Comment by Bill Schultz on November 16, 2012 at 12:58pm: Ont the flip side-

Dear Candidate-

Thank you for responding to the job post. Not sure if you read the description correctly. I can only surmise that you misunderstood the use of the term Java programmer when you gave an example of setting the time on your coffee maker.

Comment by Candace Nault on November 16, 2012 at 1:13pm: So true Bill, this door goes both ways for sure!

Comment by Sandra McCartt on November 19, 2012 at 12:23pm: Lol, Kelly and I have the same mindset about the "sling it at the wall and hope something sticks" recruiters. I would have called it Spam recruiting.

Bill, I agree I have a new message I send back to candidates who don't even come close to posted job requirements.

"Thank you for your resume, I think you must have applied to the wrong job, this is a tax accounting position and does not require any expertise operating a fork lift or ability to do telemarketing."

Comment by Kelly Blokdijk on November 20, 2012 at 12:26am: Thanks to everyone for commenting. I agree. The message my contact sent was not snappy or snotty. It was quite patient and tolerant based on the sheer ignorance displayed by the recruiter referenced here.

Perhaps one day there will be a discreet, yet helpful way for any of us to reply to unwelcome, irrelevant messages from unqualified candidates and/or pathetic recruiters that have no business recruiting. Until then, vent away!

Comment by Lisa A, Doorly on November 26, 2012 at 9:07am: I agree that there are both sides to this - I get emails for jobs that are clearly outside my scope of expertise - or that say "Dear Candidate" - so clearly it's a batch email to what I can only surmise is thousands of people. This turns me off but I don't respond with "Read my resume you dolt" because it's a small world.

Consequently, I have constructed very direct emails to candidates - specifying why I thought they were right for the role, where I thought their background would fit the requirements and what's in it for them. Some of the responses I receive are polite - no thank you - but others are in the realm of "how dare you contact me about this role" which I never understand.

I always feel - if you get a solicitation from a recruiter that is not of interest - just delete it. Because you never know - the next might be the right one.

Comment by Tiffany Branch on November 26, 2012 at 12:30pm: LOL. If I get another recruiter from India asking me if I'm interested in a SAP Implementation role I am going to scream. Clearly you have not read my resume. I'm an HR/Recruiting professional who has USED Sap.

It's even worse when I get job leads from CareerBuilder "Career Consultants" matching me to a job that I am NOT qualified for.

Great post!

Comment by Cate Kulak on November 29, 2012 at 12:13pm: If only there was an easy way to make commission by submitting the forklift operator who applied to my AML Compliance role to the forklift sales role that a CareerBuilder Career Consultant matched me to...