This is my story. What I’m about to tell you are graphic details of my early days as an IT recruiter. If you can’t stomach this, then stop and read John Sumser's Recruiting 101 (actually, he blogs relevant stuff).
I was part of corporate experimental recruiting program in the late 90’s.
My job? Infiltrate a ring of IT user groups. Know them. Study them. Learn their habits and even live with them. I did just that for years. But then, something went terribly wrong.
It was Trivia Night at a pizza parlor. I had zero knowledge of anything. A Battlestar Galactica question came up. It was supposed to be easy. It did me in. I was exposed.
I was bound, gagged and thrown into a Honda Civic hatchback. A motorcade of mopeds followed in pursuit. I was dumped into abandon library. They circled around me wielding Math books, twirling Yo-yos, large cast iron figurines, and old Playstation controllers .
They pummeled me with C++ questions. Grilled me with Basic C. I was smacked around with Star Wars trivia. I knew nothing. Nothing about Ewoks! Nothing about rockets! Nothing on video games! NOTHING NERDY!!
I crumpled to the floor quivering with a lamp swinging over me. They left me there thrashed, lashed and beaten down. I had been excommunicated.
My IT recruiting career was over.
Darkness came over me. I blacked out.
Then I heard a voice.
“Michael Glenn, IT Recruiter. A man barely alive. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to build the world's first Geeky IT recruiter. Michael Glenn will be that man. Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster and Nerdier.”
For weeks, I was put through training programs (AIRS).
I will share the steps you need to take to become a Geeky-nerdy IT Recruiter. It is the only way my friend that you can sit with computer programmers and survive.
TEN STEPS TO BECOME A GEEKY IT RECRUITER
1) MOVIES: Rent Stargate, Star Trek and X-files. These movies will build a good foundation and be your starting point.
2) GAMES: You will need to spend some time here. But, by the Hammer of the Thor, do NOT. I repeat do NOT jump into Dungeons and Dragons first. Start slowly and work your way through Simcity. Then tackle hardcore stuff like World of Warcraft.
3) READ: You must read the Watchmen. Study it and learn it. It’s ok to read Harry Potter if you are under 21. If not, you better opt for Lord of the Rings.
At this point you should notice some physical changes in your body. Lack of sun and exercise should be evident as well as some alienation among your social circles.
4) SPACE: Carl Sagan, refer to him at least once a week. He is the messiah
5) GRAHPS/CHARTS: Create charts of real obscure things like expensive cat food or a pie chart showing caffeine content on various sodas.
6) WARDROBE: Shoes choices are Converse for play and Rockport for dress. Sorry ladies absolutely no heels. T-shirts must be worn 24/7.
7) GADGET: The more the better! Having an iPhone is ok, but you better off using Android Google phone.
This is where most folks drop out. At this stage you should be completely isolated, pasty white and prefer nocturnal activities.
8) BUILD: You can either opt for some figurines like Dragons or you can go real nerdy and build a Lego icon of Homer Simpson or Wolverine.
At this point, you’re out of the dating scene. If you are married – you will need a marriage counselor.
9) ACTIVITIES: Nothing screams geek like a Renaissance festival and Sci-fi convention. Go full costume and stay in character the entire time.
10) DOCUMENTATION. You must document everything in Pictures and geo-tag them all. Also GPS location wherever you travel.
With these 10 steps you should be on the road to success. Without them you have zero Greek Cred and will be forced to use Monster.com as your only recruiting source.
Follow my steps and you will an effective IT recruiter.
By the way, I am looking for some Java developers. I’ll trade you first season of Doctor Who for a few names. Twitter me at Glennlist.