I was on the sofa picking my nose and watching MTV, when my Dad shouts, “Get a job!” I reminded Pops that I needed a car to get to a job. He reminded me (again) of my dusty moped. Again, I pleaded how hard it was to maintain a studly image riding a Moped.

“Get a job or find another home!” He ordered.

16 years of building my image – A collection of the finest samples of cologne, Polo collar turned up and advanced technology in Acne medication – all for naught.

It was the summer of 1986. I rode off on my sputtering Moped.

My search finally paid off. I landed work bagging groceries. I was able to get enough cash for a down payment on a fine automobile.

Over night, I went from a lonesome loser on a moped to a trendy teen in a car. My friends and I circled the Multiplex Cinemas whilst never stopping to talk to anyone.

However those months on a Moped had taken a toll. The nerdy helmet, the pedals, the kick start, and that HELMET! I was a Dead Man walking Atomic Wedgie!

It took a lot of group therapy (Breakfast club style) to heal the mental scarring.

I look back now…

If only I had Linkedin or, even Facebook! My job search could have been done inside the comfort of my bedroom.

I don’t want you, my recruiting brethren, to go through this kind embarrassing job search.

So, I want to share the best Linkedin invites ever written. Feel free to use these as templates or modify them to your own needs.

Dear Shally
Since you are a person who knows everyone, I hope you know that my job is in now India and my wife keeps an attorney magnet on fridge. No pressure. I'd like to add you to my professional network on Linkedin.

Dear Slouch,
Thanks for registering at the Bates Motel for Recruit Fest 2009. We’ve slashed our prices this year and Mother says that were a Cut above the others. I'd like to add you to my professional network on Linkedin.

Dear Gerry Crispin
I’d like to invite you out bird hunting sometime on the Bush family ranch along with Dick Cheney. Please accept my Linkedin invite.

Dear Headcount,
Did you get all 50 resumes that I sent last week? Since I have been following you for the last two years, I left you a lock of my hair with my last resume. Anyways, I’d like to add you to my professional network on Linkedin.

Dear Animal,
Since you are person I can trust that will not share on your radio show what happened at last year’s ERE Conference about the whole streaking incident. Which I was later embarrassed to learn they were filming COPS! Please add me to your professional network.

Dear Maureen,
Call me. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. And add me to your Linkedin.

Dear Lou Adler,
Here are three easy steps to hiring a good recruiter. Step One: login to Linkedin. Step Two: search my name, Step Three: add me to your professional network on Linkedin.

Dear Fistful of Talent:
My name is Count Dracula. I am big fan. Come to my country. I have big castle. Bring your entire staff. We can enjoy daytime activities and doing normal thing like blog and twitter. Please add me to your network.

Dear Recruiter(s)
I faxed my resume in 1997 and I’ve steadily applied to your open positions over the last 11 years. You should have about 20 different resumes in your ATS and I’ve applied to everything from CEO to helpdesk just so you can see me. Anyways, will you add me to your professional network on Linkedin?

Feel free to add some of your favorite Linkedin invites.

p.s. Add me to your Linkedin Network – thanks Michael Glenn ( Headcount)